A stormy end to 2020

2020 is almost over. It’s been a strange year. The Covid-19 pandemic has changed life for many. My family and I have been fairly fortunate. I’ve been able to work from home since March and hubby has been able to keep working safely too. 

So many have lost jobs and/or family members. I know around half a dozen people who’ve had Covid, including one who sadly lost her life. Like many of us I’d imagine, it’s hard not feel a degree of fear of this virus that has taken over our lives.........though it’s probably a healthy fear. I see so many others who just don’t seem to care or just don’t believe it can happen to them......the anti mask and anti vaccine brigade. 

Is it really so much to ask that you wear a mask in shops?? I can completely understand the scepticism and mistrust in government and authority. There’s no doubt we’ve been let down by egos and slow action. But seriously, stop whining  and put on a mask! Even if it were all a huge con, what would you have lost by covering your mouth and nose? 

It’s been fun and heartening to see so many learn the lessons cancer had already taught my close circle and I....... appreciate the simple things, spend quality time with those you love, don’t take anything for granted, get outdoors into nature, give plenty of hugs when you can because you’ll miss them when you can’t.

Our cancer journey means that hubby and I haven’t seen huge changes in our lives. We miss going to gigs, but we already knew we were probably going to too many. We are fortunate to have already learned the simple pleasure of packing up a picnic and heading along the coast. We knew the joy of taking the dog to a forest or a beach and breathing in the fresh air. We were fully aware of the benefits of keeping your circle (bubble) small.

Like everyone else, we look forward to life post-Covid, but it’s impact on us has been somewhat limited.........a lot of rescheduled gigs and trips, including unfortunately our annual charity gig, a messy diary full of scribbled out plans, missing friends and family members who we’ve been unable to visit.

Thankfully my scheduled scans and appointments have all gone ahead, despite some reviews being a bit delayed and/or by telephone. The results so far remain as good as we can ask for; stability and no indications of tumour regrowth. Of course there remain caveats; it’s very likely to come back at some stage and scarring from treatment hinders the experts being able to see everything. But everything in life comes with ‘buts and maybes’. Do I ever consider them? Of course I do, especially when not feeling 100%. I just keep reminding myself not every headache or weird sensation is about cancer........ I might just be tired or have done too much. I might have sat in front of the laptop or stared at my phone for too long. I might have a cold. Hormones......any woman in her 40s, particularly one who’s had cancer treatment will understand, or be close to understanding, the joys of the menopause. 

Storms are another joy.....I don’t know if this is common to those of us who’ve had brain surgeries, or if it’s my own personal quirk! I’d imagine I’m not alone. Storms can sit on my head like a stack of books. It feels like those heavy, grey clouds are literally inside my skull, pressing down onto my brain. Unpleasant. But storms pass. 

I just try to accept that headaches, hot flushes and the occasional tremor/zoned out feeling could just as easily be hormone or storm related as cancer related. Worrying about it is only going to make it worse. 

So onwards we go. I continue to sea swim every week. I continue to work four days a week, albeit currently from the comfort of my living room. I continue to enjoy the great outdoors when I can. I continue to be a proud member of a happy marriage with a wonderful man. I continue to spend time with my favourite people, even if it sometimes has to be virtual.  I continue to come across wonderful new people, often in the most mundane of places like the supermarket or when having a walk. I was even interviewed for a podcast about healthy living.......who’d ever have thought we’d see the day??!! You can find it at https://soundcloud.com/thesweetspud/the-sweet-spud-on-a-farm-episode-56-tricia-roulston though I’ll warn those of you who don’t already know.......I CAN TALK!!!! I even shared a healthy recipe that involves putting salmon fillets and asparagus into the oven, baking them, and eating them!! 

Here’s to 2021. May those who haven’t learned the lessons, open their eyes and their hearts, and may those who know what’s important continue to live their best life.

Be good to yourselves and those you love.

And wear the bloody mask!!!!

Missions aborted!!

I like plans. It helps me to know what’s happening, when. I’m not particularly prone to spontaneity, as boring as that may be. I’ve always been like this, I think it’s a bit generic as my dad is the same way. 

Since my cancer diagnosis I’ve gone to both extremes....... 

If I’m with someone I trust, particularly my husband, I’m more up for unplanned road trips or a last minute decision to go for a walk when I’m usually going to bed. Nothing madly exciting, but just a slight movement away from our norms. 

On the flip side, plan changes can throw me off a bit and cause me some anxiety. Thankfully I’ve reached the stage where I can generally rationalise things in my mind, or through chatting it through with hubby or a friend. It doesn’t take me too long to accept and move with the change.......

Which is just as well because, as we all know, change is the only constant in life! 2020 has certainly been a prime example of that. An inability to see the bright side would have sunk anyone this year, so I’ve worked hard, like so many of us have, to see the silver lining....

I’ve been working from home since March. It can feel isolating and I miss the chats and laughs with colleagues. I hate dial-in meetings because they’re so impersonal. But I’ve been very productive working without distractions at home. I’ve lost a tiny bit of weight without the temptation of a canteen and nearby cafes. I go for a quick walk with our dog every lunchtime. Overall, a healthier way to work I’d suggest.

Our planned gigs have all been moved to next year so there’s been no live music. I miss the buzz that live music gives and have been particularly disappointed by our need to keep changing the date our annual charity gig in aid of Macmillan Cancer Support. It was originally scheduled for May 2020......then September........then February 2021. Now we’ve agreed that date won’t happen either. Northern Ireland is getting ready to go back into another lockdown that will only end in February. It’s too soon to plan a social gathering. It’d be disrespectful to Covid patients and also to the cancer patients the fundraiser is held to support. So we’ve put it on hold, with a new date to be decided when we see how things go. This ‘greyness’ doesn’t sit well with me. I like things ‘sorted’, make a decision, get ‘er done!! But life doesn’t work like that. 

Our rainbow has been the day trips and local adventures we’ve had time to enjoy this year. Something we plan to continue doing from now on.

Today I had another unexpected change of plans, but one that has caused limited anxiety. I’m telling the story because it may resonate with others who find changes of plan can knock them off.... or it may help you understand that ‘slightly odd’ friend or family member who reacts badly to plan changes! 

Today my pal and I had planned our weekly sea dip. As our last one before Christmas, we arrived equipped with Christmas gifts and Santa hats. We were both really looking forward to our dip, as we always do. Unfortunately we didn’t properly research the tide times.... unusual for us to make such a schoolchild error! We arrived to high tide and decided it just wasn’t safe to get in. We checked three different beaches but the verdict was the same each time. But of course time and tide wait for no-one so we’re regrouping later on. A very simple example of how change can be slightly inconvenient but not insurmountable. 

We will have our Santa Splash, just later in the day. Christmas will go ahead, even if it’s quieter. The Covid situation will eventually calm down and we’ll be able to socialise like we used to. Our Macmillan gig will go ahead, so what if it’s a year or two later than originally planned? 

Aborted missions simply lead to new plans. No need to worry xxx