Anniversaries

January is almost at a close so it’s anniversary season…… tomorrow is my eight year seizureversary. Imagine! Not that it really makes much difference…..eight years since cancer jumped out on us, but with hindsight we know it was lurking around for very many years before that. The grand mal was just it revealing its attention seeking nature…….heaven forbid we would continue to ignore it!! 

I recently discovered that the French term ‘grand mal’ literally translates as ‘great evil’. Very apt. Eight years ago a great evil visited us to draw our attention to the demon I’d been ignoring and dismissing. Those migraines? Not migraines. Those episodes of feeling a bit out of touch with reality? Not just tiredness or sinus problems. The reality is though that I was just unfortunate. The type is tumour I have is unusual and it could have been worse….. one grade higher and I probably wouldn’t still be here.

And so we return to the place where I remember how fortunate I am and count my lucky stars. I’m not the girl I was BC*, but I’m living a fantastic life. In many ways a much better life than I lived before. Cancer brings a clarity of thought that helps you realise what and who is important and helps you prioritise better. 

I am currently sitting on my sofa, reflecting on where the journey has taken us. I’m listening to the sounds of hubby adding a few things to the campervan we bought in September……. a roll up/down thermal screen for the back window to stop any drafts from chilling my bum on winter nights away, and some hooks for the fun signs we’ve been given by those celebrating with us…...

Our van, Paddy, is simply wonderful. This morning I enjoyed a lovely, if cold and quick, sea dip before scooting back up to a lovely warm van (hubby had made sure the heating was running to make the van cosy for my return). Once inside, I got properly dried and dressed in warm and comfy clothes and was nice and heated up in time for hubby returning with two cups of tea and two gingery bottomed caramel squares from a beachside cafe. Then he drove me round to a spot with a view out across the sea, and we drank our tea and ate our buns. Bliss. 

Yesterday we enjoyed some quality time with our son and his girlfriend. Another reminder of how fortunate we are. 

Family remains an important support. 

Eight years on from the great evil I am changed but I am happy. On Friday I go for my regular, six-monthly MRI. On our 28th wedding anniversary! I’d be lying if I said I wasn’t experiencing a wee bit of scanxiety. The winter scan is always the worst as my narrow, hiding veins run for cover and seem to sink ever deeper into my skin, leaving nurses with the unenviable task of having to go digging deep to try and find a vein able and willing to hold a cannula for the contrast dye. It’s painful and the whole experience is exhausting. Thankfully the nurses are generally fantastic and I know my wonderful hubby is sitting, waiting outside, probably planning a wee surprise stop off for food and/or cuppas on the way home. Most importantly these scans inevitably confirm everything remains ‘very stable and very quiet’……long may that continue. 

Life is good. Here’s to more calmness and stability, beside beaches and in forests in our Paddy wagon. Together.

* BC - before cancer, AD- after diagnosis.