Washing worries away

Let’s get the bad stuff over with first.......Sometimes real life sucks. This seems to be particularly true for me at the start of the year. January and February should be about fresh starts and looking forward to an exciting year ahead....... for me, it seems to have become the time when bad things happen. 

It’s been a very full on few weeks. I’ve had a ‘half scan’ due to my rubbish veins and am nervously awaiting results, knowing they won’t be conclusive anyway. I’ve moved into a new role at work, through my own choice, but another change to deal with all the same. Hardest of all, I’ve watched my dad tumble very rapidly into dementia and have had to accept he will spend the rest of his life in a dementia unit in a care home. This is particularly difficult because he has dementia with Lewy bodies which, unlike Alzheimer’s, is not a steady decline; rather a fluctuating state of semi lucidity and complete delusion within a short space of time. 

It’s been tough going, made worse by the time of year and the ongoing covid pandemic, but I know people experience far worse. I always aim to be honest in this wee blog of nonsense......I don’t want to come across as an eternally happy and positive person, because that’s just not real life for anyone. What I do always try to do is pull out positives....... I do this to let the few of you still reading this see there are always positives to be seen. More so, I do it to remind myself and to chase my anxieties away.

So here’s the story told from a different perspective......... In the last few weeks I’ve had a scan that should show enough to tell us if everything remains stable, which I’m expecting to be the case. It’s winter, but we’ve had some glorious crisp and sunny days and been able to enjoy restorative time outdoors, despite the pandemic. Just this morning I enjoyed a life affirming sea dip. 

I’ve moved into a new, exciting role at work. It was through my own choice and gives me an opportunity to learn new things, work as part of a bigger team, and hopefully make a tiny difference in my wee patch. Hopefully some time this year I’ll get back into my office and out of my house. I’ve been home working for almost a year now........aren’t I lucky?? Neither my husband or  I have been furloughed, we haven’t lost our jobs, we have interesting and secure jobs that pay us enough to pay our bills and live a good life. We’re not rich but we’re certainly not on the bread line. Most of all we have each other, not to mention our gorgeous big son.

My dad is safe, warm and comfortable in a care home specially set up to look after dementia patients. I even got to choose his room and this week we will take him some items from home and get him settled in. He is close by and we can visit him with restrictions. Once lockdown rules change we’ll be able to have full visits more often. Some people don’t get that valuable time. 

I have just come back from a fantastic dip in a very cold, but glorious sea, under blue skies, and have left my worries in the sea. I have been spoilt with a hot shower, a bacon sandwich and a cup of tea, and am now watching my husband do the housework while I write a load of uninteresting words that will likely never be read, but that help me work through my thoughts.

Yep, I’ve nothing to complain about really. Living with x