But unfortunately it wasn’t to be.
Mid January I started experiencing night sweats and palpitations. They began waking me up every night, leading to fatigue and a general feeling of being unwell.
I tried to charge on through, but eventually it all came to a bit of a head when I woke up one morning, feeling like I had a strap pulled tight around my chest and ribs. It happened two mornings in a row and I was sent to A&E both days.
What was going on?
It became clear that my hormones were a bit off track. In fairness, they’ve always been a bit problematic, and cancer treatment pushed me into early menopause, which hasn’t been a joyful experience so far. HRT proved a disaster so I was back to square one.
Further blood tests also showed low sodium levels. Probably caused by drinking too much water!! Not enough salt?? From drinking too much water?? That’s the ultimate cruelty. There’s me, trying to do everything within my power to keep myself as well as possible. Obeying all the rules…… plenty of water, healthy diet, no alcohol, no fizzy drinks, no processed foods. Only to discover I may have made myself worse. Unbelievable.
Low sodium symptoms appear to be somewhat similar to brain tumour symptoms…….. headaches, dizziness if you move too quick, waves of mild nausea, general fatigue.
On the advice of my GP, I started to rest up whilst limiting my fluid intake.
I was starting to feel a little bit better and was hopeful of a return to work, when winter decided I hadn’t had things hard enough yet……. In came the stormy weather.
Not everyone will understand (or believe) the impact changes in air pressure can have on those of us with brain injuries. I can assure you, it’s a thing. My sinuses and ears get blocked up and I feel like there’s a vice being squeezed around my head or I’m being pushed down on from above by something very heavy.
It’s painful, it’s exhausting, and it’s so frustrating. I want nothing more than to shake the butterflies out of my head, but I can’t. I get short periods of respite when the sun peaks out, but the weight settles back in as the dark clouds roll in again.
I can’t even get into the sea, because I haven’t been strong enough. The swells have been too big anyway. Miserable? Absolutely.
I’m now at the end of my second week off work and am hopeful for a return next week. My arms are black and blue from blood draws, although I can’t credit the nurses in my local A&E and GP surgery enough for their professionalism and the kindness they show me and my wee, thin veins.
What a miserable post! Time to turn things around…… what’s good??
The most obvious thing is that I’m now 5 years into my cancer journey, and I’m still here. It’s not without challenges, but I remain one of the lucky ones.
I remain supported by the best husband a girl could ever dream of. Not to mention a wonderful sister and friends most people could only hope for.
I have a job I enjoy, and am generally surrounded by understanding colleagues. I am still capable of performing my role to a high quality and I enjoy the structure and routine it provides me………. It’s even better nowadays due to the covid ‘work from home’ rules. I miss face to face contact with colleagues and friends, but the peace and quiet of working from home makes it easier to concentrate and is definitely working for me.
Finally, we’re now well into February. Spring is just round the corner. Covid is starting to run out of steam. There are gentle plans in the diary……
If I were a bit older, and had the financial means, I’d definitely consider wintering somewhere with better weather. But I remain grateful that, despite how I sometimes feel, I’m still relatively young and have plenty of life left to live. Plus I live in one of the most beautiful places in the world, whatever the weather.
Pass me the salt, bring out the sun, I’m coming back!!
Living with xx
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