The bird in my attic!!

It seems somebody somewhere decided rumours of my death should be well and truly ass kicked....!! 

Yesterday morning hubby and I got up and did a few messages before arriving home to find a letter. Seeing the hospital mark on the envelope I thought it was an appointment. Turns out it was an update.......

My Oncologist is brilliant at sending reassuring letters after scans. He clearly understands the concept of scanxiety...... the build up to a scan and then the wait to see your Oncologist to find out the results and the anxiety this causes. He always takes a few minutes to dictate a letter about my results and gets it sent to me within a short period of time. The only risk with this practice is if a letter didn’t appear I’d know the news was bad and had to be given face to face...... fortunately, to date, this hasn’t happened to me. 

Yesterday’s letter was another example of why these letters rock!! 

“everything looks very settled”.....”no signs of a return”..... “all looks very quiet and settled” 

This is amazing news!! I can’t wait for my appointment so I can hear more! 

As always, I’m not naive. I’m not cured and I know there’s still a big beastly tumour in there. But there’s been a big beastly tumour in there for years...... we just didn’t know until it got angry. I know I can live a normal life with it because I did it for years and years. Learning to live a quieter life, making time for relaxation with family, friends and my ‘gurus’, can only help. Plus I’ve had treatment to get rid of the angry bit and, between it all, it’s worked!! 

Yeah sure there’s still something in there that shouldn’t be there, but now it’s like a bird that builds a nest in your attic. Sometimes you hear a tweet or a scratch, but generally you don’t really know it’s there. If it gets excited and flaps its wings then it might be uncomfortable, but it shouldn’t do that unless I do too much in the house and disturb it....... if I keep things quiet and gentle then we’ll just live together. For many years. Like normal folk. Sometimes it even enhances your life by singing and reminding you how lucky you are to have a bird living quietly in your attic but choosing not to peck at your insulation or crap on your joists lol!!

Dead?? I think not. Not by a long shot! Suck on that idle gossipers!

Living with (and kicking ass!)...... xx

Summer’s here!

Welcome to summer!! Today is the longest day of the year and what better way to celebrate it than an evening sea dip??

Earlier this afternoon I was in work, looking out at the sunshine and lamenting the fact that we will miss our sea swim on Sunday....... when hubby texted...... equally inspired by the good weather, he suggested a post work sea swim. 

I’ve always been a bit rubbish at doing things outside of routine. Sunday morning is for sea swimming...... and the thought of doing it on Friday evening seemed fun!

As soon as I got home I got myself into my swimsuit and waited for hubby..... He finishes later than me and it felt like the longest wait ever! Finally he walked through the door and in super fast time we had thrown towels into a bag and were ready to go.

We jumped in the car and headed to Portrush. Unlike on a Sunday morning, the Arcadia beach was deserted. There were a few people surfing off the East Strand, but the ‘ladies beach’ had nobody on it. We got in quickly and I was soon shrieking and laughing like a child who was in the sea for the first time! The conditions were amazing....... waves but not too big. Hubby doesn’t like to stay in too long but I was enjoying myself too much to get out too soon. I stayed in on my own, enjoying being gently lifted by the waves and laughing loudly to myself. It was so exhilarating. 

There were a few people on the path above the beach and I’m sure they wondered what this crazy woman was doing, being carried towards the beach by waves and then swimming gracelessly (nope, not a typo lol!) back out a bit further. It felt like rule breaking because there was no-one else there. Like skinny dipping but in a swimsuit.....!! I was squealing and laughing loudly at the sheer joy of it! 

I’d imagine the wedding party in the restaurant looking down to the beach we’re delighted to see me finally wade out of the water, looking I’d imagine more like a seal than Ursula Andress!! 

It’s not much of a rebellion but God it felt good :) These are the things that life is all about. On a natural high!

Living life and dispelling rumours

It’s been a busy week, full of lots of good things but a little bit of less good.......

Both hubby and I took an extra day off work this week so we could go to the Slash gig in Ormeau Park. Thanks to a cool friend we got into the VIP tent; keeping us out of the rain and, more importantly, allowing me a seat whether I needed it........ I’m loving being back at gigs, but standing all night is still a bit much for me. We still got soaked walking to and from the gig, but it was great to enjoy time with our son and some good mates. 

We stayed up in Belfast that night and the next morning headed to the City Hospital for my routine MRI scan. I was having some scanxiety as usual..... it was particularly stressful this time as I had an appointment with Infusion Services beforehand to allow a cannula to be put into my very unhappy veins. Without this, I can’t get a fully detailed scan done as it requires the injection of special dye. At my last scan they hadn’t managed to find a vein so, despite my Oncologist being confident my ‘half scan’ still showed stability, i was keen to get a full scan this time so I’d feel more reassured. I felt under pressure..... would my veins behave? Would infusion services have to go into some rare vein like my jugular or something? Yikes! I knew it would hurt and it did. But in fairness it wasn’t as bad as I thought it’d be...... There were a few tears but mostly due to anxiety and the build up. And tiredness....... I told the nurse not to feel too sorry for me as part of my upset was because I was tired from being at the Slash gig the night before!! So the scan went ahead and now I have begun the long wait for the results......but I remain optimistic.

Fresh from our Belfast adventure I went back to work on Friday, before heading out again on Friday night. We were going to a gig being held fairly locally. Honestly, I was tired and couldn’t be bothered..... but I knew it was all seated in a great venue and we were taking a wonderful lady I met through sea swimming and her great-grand-niece from Australia. So off out we went.... what a great night! My 71 year old friend and I even managed a bit of dancing! 

Imagine my surprise when I came home in great form only to see a message from someone I used to work with, essentially asking if I was dead or not!.... “.....mentioned that you were dead but I thought you were still alive. Can you confirm who’s right to settle an argument???!!!!” I answered politely that I was very much alive but then stewed over it overnight. Truthfully I’m still stewing a bit 2 days later..... the person who had said I was dead is someone I don’t even know and she said it in front of someone who used to work in the office I managed so she was given a terrible fright. This wasn’t a concerned person wondering if I was ok...... this was idle gossip by someone who doesn’t know me and didn’t know what they were talking about. Followed by a tactless message which caused further annoyance. Thankfully another person with the group knows me and was able to quell the rumour. I’m still annoyed it happened but I guess it’s just a stark reminder that there are still some gossiping fools out there! 

As well as spending some time ‘chuntering’ about idiots, we also came home to a lovely updated en suite (long overdue!) and a plush new bedroom carpet. Not so good though was the packing in of our central heating...... goddamnit! As always shining stars came to the rescue as a friend came straight away and fixed it. As well as keeping me warm, this couple reminded me of all the good people around us. Somewhat counteracting the frustration caused by the gossiping fools. 

This morning brought my weekly sea swim day. One of my best mates is home from a foreign holiday so it was great to get in the sea with her...... even though she looked even more gorgeous than ever with her Italian tan! It was another invigorating and life affirming swim. Even the walk back to the car was filled with joy...... first we saw a couple who we’d given home made caramel squares to last week (there had been a ‘bring and share’ event after last week’s sea swimming)....... and then I saw something somewhat unusual. I saw a couple walking out of the driveway of a nursing home with what looked like a black and white lamb in the lady’s arms..... surely not..... it must’ve been a dog?...... As we neared them I asked hubby to look...... sure enough, it was a lamb! We stopped and spoke to the couple who told us they had taken it in for the older people to see and pet. What a wonderful idea! I’d never touched a lamb before..... it’s a bit stupid to say I was surprised by it feeling so woolly, but I was!! The lady passed in to me through my open car window and I held it for a few minutes, admiring its cuteness. Then it gave a wee bleat so I handed it back to its ‘mum’ who has been hand raising it. Happiness levels replenished!!

It remains the simple things that keep me smiling; my family, my friends, music, dancing, the sea and even a cute wee lamb......

” Reports of my death have been greatly exaggerated!”

Mark Twain 

Happy :)

“Clap along if you know what happiness is to you
(Because I'm happy)
Clap along if you feel like that's what you wanna do”

‘Happy’ by Pharell Williams

Today I am happy! It’s fair to say that I’m often happy, but today has been a particularly happy day.....

Family, close friends, and the resilient long term blog readers will know I spent more time in hospital a year after my initial diagnosis due to an unfortunate incidence of drug toxicity. This incident has probably left more, or certainly equally as many, mental scars as my original diagnosis and treatment has. My poor husband was dispatched to ‘prepare the family’ with the sobering news that I probably had about four days to live. Nobody knew why I’d suddenly taken such a turn for the worse. Oncology and Neurology couldn’t come up with any suggestions, but a Consultant in my local hospital kept trying. At her side was a Macmillan nurse. He kept working and trying to figure out what was going on. As I slipped in and out of consciousness, that nurse asked the question “Has anyone checked her phenytoin levels?” 

That question led to the discovery of phenytoin toxicity. 

That discovery saved my life. 

That nurse saved my life.

Last night in a ceremony in a posh hotel just outside Belfast, my nurse hero won the Patient’s Choice Award at the Royal College of Nursing Nurse of the Year Awards. This morning that sweet and humble man told me “This award was for you”. This award was most definitely not for me. This award was for a dedicated and special nurse who I will never be able to adequately thank. 

It takes very little time to help enter someone for an award or recognition of some type. As someone who’s received an honour and also had the honour of contributing to someone else’s nomination for an award, I can assure you that there is no feeling like it. Trust me, it’ll make you happy.

It doesn’t have to be as dramatic as saving someone’s life and it doesn’t have to be as grand as trophies or medals. A card, a letter or email to their boss, flowers, a book, a simple ‘thank you’ can be enough.

Honour those who do good things because there are many decent people in this world who could go unnoticed due to our busy schedules. 

Take some time today to show someone you appreciate them. It’ll make you happy too. Put on your dancing shoes and......

“Clap along if you feel like happiness is the truth”!! Xx