The hangover

Night time is when worries haunt many of us. Personally, when I go to bed I start to think about all the stuff that’s causing me concern. Over time I have taught myself to think about other things through breathing exercises and using my imagination to think about good things. The worries are still there but I’ve turned my mind away from them. They’re buried.  

Last night I went to bed and realised I couldn’t think of anything to be worried about! For the three years since my brain cancer was diagnosed, I’ve been dealing with a hangover of sorts. Finally I feel like a lot of it has lifted...... There have been a lot of things going on over the last three years, many of which have started to resolve themselves this year.......

First and foremost I have been trying to keep myself well. I’ve been worried about my cancer getting worse again. A couple of weeks ago I got the news that there are no cancer cells visible on my scan! This does not mean I am cured. The caveat was that there are likely to still be cells underneath the scarring and damage caused by treatment. But they’re not lighting up on the scan so they’re not active. The best news I could get.

Secondly, I’ve been in a bit of a battle to get changes made within the Belfast Trust. I now feel I’ve done my bit to drive this forward. It’s not finished, but I believe I’ve helped make a difference. 

Thirdly, since my return to work I’ve had a few difficulties. Again, nothing it’s appropriate to share publicly. Suffice to say, I’m now clearer in my role and responsibilities and have also learned the art of not worrying about anyone else’s actions or lack thereof!

Finally, I’ve been worrying about showing tangible outcomes to those of you who so generously gave your time, energy and money to Triciafest. Since the first year I’ve realised that so long as the money comes back locally then that’s enough. Macmillan use it to help local patients and their families and they are experts in knowing what’s needed. The first year though I pushed hard to get something for my local hospital. After almost three years of ‘head pecking’ our refurbished Relatives Room in Causeway Hospital is almost finished. I am beyond happy and excited and I cannot wait to see it all done and be able to share our achievement with everyone who’s been a part of our fundraising over the past three years.

So I’m feeling very light. Worries have been lifted. I’ve found my state of Hakuna Matata!!