from Ghosts by Bruce Springsteen
It’s been a challenging few weeks. Nothing that is unique to me as a cancer patient, rather just ‘real world stuff’........ an ageing family member and all the associated difficulties in trying to do the right things, for the right reasons, at the right times, being the main focus of my energy. ‘Normal’ stresses of everyday life, experienced by people the world over.
Unfortunately my coping ability for any stresses, even for those of an every day nature, can sometimes leave a little to be desired since my diagnosis. At my routine Neurology appointment on Thursday I felt compelled (not least because hubby had made me promise!) to admit to a couple of minor ‘wobbles’. My friend refers to them as ‘mini mals’ and that seems like a very apt description........ not a full seizure and nothing too dramatic, but a definite tingling, numbness and weakness down my left arm and a facial ‘pull’ where the left hand side of my mouth is visibly pulled down, like someone has threaded a string through the corner of my lip and is pulling it taut. I’ve only had two or three in total, lasting just a few minutes each, and have always recovered quickly after sitting down and doing some deep breathing exercises. Regardless, an increase in medication was strongly advised. I accepted it, despite some reservations.......previous experience of phenytoin toxicity will make a girl naturally and rightly cautious, and I was never a big fan of taking any sort medication to begin with! So the anti seizure medication has increased a tiny bit.
Disappointing and a little confusing, given my excellent scan results. My neurologist explained that stress and tiredness are amongst the biggest triggers for adverse neurological issues. I asked was it not better to learn to deal with stress rather than increasing meds? He agreed but told me sometimes life throws challenges that anyone would struggle with and the increase in medication is just an extra safeguard. I also asked him why I was still having the occasional weird thing happen when my scans looked clear. He explained the cancer and treatment all leave scarring. That makes sense I guess.... who hasn’t had an injury that heals but leaves a slight weakness? Very few of us I’d suggest. So I accepted the extra precaution due to its minimal nature, and so far haven’t felt any negative impacts.
At the same time I’ve paid particular attention to looking after my own wellbeing, with help from hubby and a couple of very dear friends. There have been a few long phone calls, a few even longer walks, a bit of being spoiled at home, and a couple of delicious sea dips.......
On Wednesday hubby and I returned to the scene of the crime...... A lovely blustery walk on Downhill beach, followed by a walk around Mussenden Temple.......the area I spent the afternoon walking in before my initial grand mal seizure three and a half years ago.
Yesterday we walked in our local forest....... my childhood playground (despite not being allowed to go there on my own as a child.....yeah right! How to encourage a child to something they shouldn’t? Simple, just tell them not to do it!!)
This morning, after deciding earlier in the week that the weather didn’t look suitable for a sea dip, my wee pal and I spontaneously decided to go anyway to check conditions with our own eyes...... we were side by side half an hour later, looking out at a choppy but manageable sea.
It was a quick dip, not much more than 10 minutes, but one which left us giggling like two schoolgirls. The laughing started when seaweed kept getting tangled around our legs and my mate lifted a bit out of the water that was like a small tree!! The laughter became louder after a total wipeout by a particularly big wave! Please note, we never take chances in high seas........we never go out of our depth and are particularly wary of any undertow (or ‘sucky sea’ as we like to call it!) A sea slap or even a good dunking can be great fun as long as you make sure you always have someone with you, know what you’re doing, and are strong enough to get yourself back up.
As ever, my buddy was quick to try to help me as she saw me get dunked by a tall wave that broke right on top of us..... never one to be put off by the fact that’s she’s 5 inches or more shorter than me, she made a grab for me as I was given a good, hard sea slap!! In carrying out this act of heroism, she managed to grab my left boob fairly hard! After 25 years of friendship this did nothing but make us roar with laughter even more! I’m still giggling now, thinking about our antics, despite the slightly achy boob and scrape on my thigh lol.
So after a few rough weeks, a stormy sea has completed my healing process. I’ll keep taking the tablets, but I’ll also keep heeding the advise of the great life coach, Dory, and ‘just keep swimming’!!
Living with xx
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