This week’s sea dip met with a hitch.......I was getting organised when I got a message. My wee sea sister was feeling a bit off colour. She’d been holding off to see how she felt but had taken the sensible decision to give this week a miss. What to do? What to do? My swimsuit was on and my bag was packed. Hubby was out walking the dog in preparation for taking me down. Ok, I’ll admit it, there was no decision to make........I’ve had a blocked nose and headache for a few days and, as anybody who lives near the coast knows, the sea is the best cure for these things. Hubby got home and I told him I was on my own. He didn’t flinch about taking me down, the same way he does every week.
We got in the car and hadn’t gone far when the rain started. I started to feel a bit nervous. There’s no problem with swimming in the sea in the rain, in fact it’s often even more joyous than swimming in the sun! Sure it makes no difference......it’s not as though you’re not going to get wet anyway! The less favourable bit comes when you get out to soggy towels and clothes.
Thankfully my Support Team (best husband ever!) was sitting on a bench under a golfing umbrella. He was on a waterproof bottomed picnic blanket, with half under his backside and the other half over my stuff to keep it dry. That’s true love for you, right there!!
I said at the start of this blog entry that half would be about sea swimming, and half about my cancer journey. It might not be exactly half, but here’s the cancer bit........ I was nervous about going into the sea today on my own partly because I’ve had a few odd tremor type events over the past few months. Very mild and reported to my Neurologist, resulting in a very slight increase in medication, but nothing of any major issue. I’d had one yesterday. Nothing major.....just a slight disruption to my vision, some tingling down one side and a bit of a headache. I suspect it was fuelled by a bit of a sinus block, a few nights restless sleep and some work frustrations. I knew the sea was the best thing for me, but was cautious of going in alone.
I’ve never been in alone. The only time that comes close was when hubby and I were in Donegal earlier this year.......we’d gone into the sea together but I’d stayed in after he’d got out. Today was the first time I’d actually walked in alone, swum alone, and walked out alone. It was very cold so I didn’t stay in too long........truthfully I’d have stayed in longer except I could see my long suffering husband getting soaked on his bench, and I didn’t want to end up freezing......the cold sea can deceive......you get used to it and don’t really feel the cold when you’re in, but when you get out you can feel chilled to the bone if you’ve stayed in too long!!
So what’s the cancer story?? Cancer steals your hardiness. It makes you more delicate. Less hardiness and more delicate equals less confidence. Getting into the sea in a busy seaside town gives no room for worry about your body shape.....which is just as well because there’s no doubt cancer treatment has changed mine!! There’s no denying it, I’m chubbier. A solo dip was important on my journey. Today I proved I don’t need to hide behind giggling with someone else to disguise any body shyness. Today I also proved I can do it on my own. Yes, I had hubby there in support, but that’s just common sense. This isn’t about bravado, it’s about building confidence through being able to do something that makes me feel good. I didn’t take any chances; nobody should ever sea swim alone unless they have someone keeping an eye from the shore. I also went in at the Harbour rather than at a beach where recent swells have been big and dangerous. And finally, I only stayed in 10 minutes. It’s December in two days time and the weather is not warm!!
So there we go. A predominantly sea swim blog, but also proof that cancer can’t steal all your confidence forever. My body may have changed, but that would always have happened with age anyway. What’s more important is that my hardiness is returning. Get into a cold harbour, alone, in a swimsuit in winter? Damn right I will!!
Living with........
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