Time.....

A year can change everything. Christmas is just days away. I feel like it’s kind of crept up on me this year. In fact I find it pretty difficult to believe that 2018 has almost passed. In the past week a few people have commented on how much better I look compared to this time last year. Chatting to my husband about that, we looked back at some photos from last year. I was horrified by how ill I look in them. I often complain about the weight I’ve gained through the long term use of steroid medication, but I can tell you without doubt that ‘slightly chubby me’ is a far better look than ‘heroin chic me’! The past few months have led to an levelling out of sorts.... there’s some ‘puppy fat’ to lose but I’m not bloated and uncomfortable like I was when I was on the steroid medication.

Christmas used to be my favourite time of year. Now it brings back some pretty nasty memories. This time last year I was being slowly poisoned...... I just didn’t know it until I literally fell over in January. The year before I was weeks away from the biggest shock of my life and everything changing forever. What few memories I have of the last two Christmas’s aren’t always the most pleasant, though I honestly hardly remember anything. I’ve absolutely zero memory of Christmas Day last year and was weeks away from hospitalisation and my poor family being told I had 4-5 days to live. The previous year was much the same.

Yet here I still am. I’m not 100% by any stretch of the imagination, but considering my experiences I think I’m doing pretty well. I work 4 days a week and feel I’m contributing something. I have gained a hugely increased love and appreciation of life and the special people in mine, a British Empire Medal, countless new friends, and strength. I’ve lost some angry bits of tumour, a bit of the steroid weight, some negative people from my life  and the constant feeling of insecurity that I had the last two Christmas’s. 

Importantly, with the help of family and friends, I've helped raise money to make things a bit easier for local cancer patients, I’ve tried to give some hope to others going through a tough time, and I’ve hopefully done my tiny bit to help aid change within the Health Service. The detail of the last bit isn’t suitable for blogging, but I’ve been vocal (‘not like you’ I hear you cry!) and there have been a few small changes made that should improve things for brain tumour patients. 

One person can’t fix the Health Service. Even a group of like minded people can’t do that. But if everyone does their wee bit then, through time, things should improve. Stand up and be counted. Speak up if things have gone wrong. Be strong and hold them to account. Just as important, praise the ones that get it right. Sing their praises, fundraise, whatever you can do to ensure they stay motivated through a lack of staff, poor pay and budget cuts. The system might be broken and we can’t rely on politicians to help, but we can each make our own choices, and speak out to help get changes made.

This time last year I was horribly ill and things could’ve gone either way. This year I’ve been taking part in Santa Splash’s in the freezing cold Atlantic and enjoying quality time with those I hold most dear. A year can change everything. Xxx