Tears over trainers

Today I cried proper tears....... over two pairs of grotty old trainers.....  Hubby had taken a notion to tidy and clear out the front bedroom. You know the one. The third bedroom in a house with only one child. The bedroom that’s too small for a double bed. In the house with no garage. The storeroom. The dumping ground. The mess! 

Fair play to him for getting stuck into it. Though in fairness it’s not my lifetime stock of old work clothes and cables for every electronic item we’ve ever owned! Though I’ll admit some of the crap in that room is mine.... 

“Do you want to keep these?” He asked me, whilst holding up two pairs of stinking, grotty trainers. “Yes. I do” I replied curtly, without turning around, as I stood in the kitchen doing the dishes. “Are you sure? You haven’t worn them in ages”. I sharply responded, “I haven’t worn them for 2 years because I’ve been sick. I couldn’t fit them on my feet because they were so swollen from steroids.” Sensing I wasn’t happy, hubby did the sensible thing and exited stage left, smelly trainers in hand. 

What was wrong with me? Why such a melodramatic reaction? Honestly, I heard something he didn’t say. I heard “May as well throw out the trainers you used to wear to go running. God knows, you’ll never do that again”. That’s not what he said or what he meant but it’s what I heard. Thankfully I realised pretty quickly that’s what I’d done..... And my husband is a star who I often think can read my mind these days.  He gave me a bit of time and then came back in. He approached slowly and carefully, without making eye contact..... I apologised and explained my reaction, being careful to make it clear that I knew I’d responded to something he hadn’t actually said. He totally got it. In fact, he’d already caught onto what had happened before he’d come back into the room.

I kept the smelly old trainers. I’m not stuck in the past, but I’m not ready to chuck them just yet. Truth be told, I didn’t stop running because of my brain tumour. I stopped running because I was crap at it!  Maybe I’ll wear them to walk the dog. Maybe I’ll do the odd fun run in the future. Maybe I’ll dump them another day when I’m in a better mood. Whatever, it doesn’t matter. No rush.

More importantly, I got a letter last week. Seems my disastrous ‘no veins for the dye’ scan was good enough and there’s stability. This is far more important than stinking old trainers!! xxx