Yesterday I went ahead up to work in Belfast as planned. I know, I know, I know......... but it was an important day for me in terms of moving forwards. I’ve had 14 months of really fighting hard, but the phenytoin toxicity was making daily life a bit like wading through treacle. I covered it as best I could and friends and family pulled me through, but it took getting that drug out of my system for me to be able to start feeling any way normal again. Now I finally feel back to myself! The infection I currently have is a bit crap, but it’s really no different to having a cold or flu at any other time........ we’ve just had to get used to the added threat from seizures etc. That’s unfortunately just going to be one of those things that we now live with.
Yesterday was a bit of a symbolic work day for me. I cleared out my desk in Belfast. I loved working up there, but it’s no longer an option for me. I can’t drive (and Sunday puts my ‘one year’ timer back to zero) and, even if I could, I’m not sure that’s the life I want anymore. I was given an exciting project to work on. I was able to spend time with colleagues (and friends) who have constantly checked in with me over the last 14 months. Thankfully I have supportive bosses in a supportive organisation, who recognise the value I can still add. I won’t let them down and am excited about getting involved in a project I can work on from my local station. Allowing me to add value, but in a less pressurised way. I’m delighted by the faith that continues to be shown in me and the unwavering support. Though, I guess somewhat arrogantly, I also believe I deserve it!! I’ve never ‘swung the lead’. I have been accommodated, but in line with HR policies and in return for hard work. It’s a win/win for everyone and I’m really glad systems haven’t let me down, as I know they sometimes can.
In order to reassure family that I wouldn’t jump back in feet first and forget to be the tortoise, I promised that I would take today off on annual leave, to ensure I didn’t do too much, especially as I’m still on antibiotics. It was a good plan! I spent the morning today enjoying the company of my dear, old Dad. A thing those of us lucky enough to still have our dads with us, don’t do enough. We had breakfast together, went round a few shops. Very leisurely, no pressure, no rush....... We chatted and we enjoyed each other’s company and it was lovely.
This afternoon I had a long soak in the bath. Don’t worry...... of course I was careful!! No chances taken and I ‘checked in’ with hubby before and after so he knew I was safe. It was so good to soak my painful muscles...... my GP explained to me this morning that my muscles are sore after the seizure on Sunday because I may as well have run into a gym and bench pressed heavy weights from nothing! I hadn’t really thought of it like that, but I guess it makes sense....... of course my muscles are sore, they were uncontrollably tensed up like I was being tasered! A nice bath has helped.
Tomorrow I have the perfect mix of a gentle morning with friends (plus a haircut........ ‘the Jamie Lee Curtis’ has proven very popular, and I’ll admit to enjoying having a new look!), followed by an afternoon at work.
All these things are steps forward........ learning to live with..........LIVE WITH! 14 months on, here I am........ LIVING! Happily!! Yesterday I spoke to someone who has a family member that’s been living with similar for 7 years (he was originally given no more than 3......!) There have been so many points along the way where things could’ve gone against us. A simple turn of events could’ve led to very different outcomes. I know it still could, but I don’t feel like it will....... Thankfully it hasn’t been, and isn’t, my time. Seems people are happy with that! And I know I am. Still feeling nothing but love, support, encouragement and happiness. Living and loving life! Xxx
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