Winning the battle......

There’s still a war, I know that, but it seems this battle goes to Team Trish! Earlier, I received a phone call to tell me that my scan had been looked at and it ‘looks good’! My consultant appointment won’t be until later in January so she asked I be phoned to ensure I’m not worrying unnecessarily over Christmas. 

I’m pretty certain now that my Consultant was never the bitch I thought she was. In fact, I’m starting to think I’m the bitch for putting more pressure onto people just trying to do their jobs under awful financial restraints. We need to stop blaming the people, and start blaming the systems. The lack of finances, the lack of even knowing what the meagre budget will be, the shortage of nurses etc etc etc 

More importantly, for me, not blaming anyone or thing and just getting on with the important stuff! Like any disagreement, there comes a time when you realise the reasons don’t matter and the more important thing is whether that person should be in your life. My oncologist needs to be in my life. She’s an expert. And it seems I should be glad she is......  Instead of grumbling about her manner, I’d do better to thank her for helping save my life. 

We’ve had the best news we could’ve had! I don’t know the details yet, but I believe ‘looks good’ means the treatment has done what was wanted and expected. It’ll still be there, but under control. I’m assuming if there had actually been a miracle and it was gone that she’d have come and told me.......or that there’d be journalists camped outside my door!  I’m off to make a grilled cheese sandwich just in case I’ve missed a sign, but I’m pretty sure we’re celebrating the end of treatment and a gaining of some control. I don’t need a miracle, I’ve got everything I need already in family and friends. If this thing is tamed, and I can get back to work and back to my life, then thats miracle enough for me..... I get to keep all the wonderful new friends  and lessons I found along the way too, right?? 

Honestly, of course I want it gone but I don’t really care about having to live with a bit of it. I have done for years, I just didn’t know it!! It’s a much better prospect than some of the scenarios I was offered at the start. I’m s bit worried about being too happy. I don’t want to skud myself again. But I have to take the positives when I get them. The war is far from over, but I feel like I can now really see how the treatment and stress and heartache were for a reason. I feel like I haven’t let anyone down and they haven’t let me down. My cage has kept me protected for another while.

The specialist says it looks good and I should relax and enjoy Christmas. I’ll take that!! Xxx