The seizures themselves were frightening, but I know I partially brought it on myself by doing too much all at once. Lesson learnt! I don’t have any problem taking personal responsibility for getting carried away and pushing myself too hard. I am also sensible enough to take responsibility for fixing it. Thankfully my husband is nothing short of wonderful, and we are using annual leave over Easter to get things relaxed down again.
The focus is on rest and relaxation, sorting a decent diet and exercise, fixing my horrendous sleep pattern, and just generally building me back up physically and emotionally. With his help, I know we can do this. And we are....
Unfortunately, as has been the case from day one of this journey, there are so many variables. My reduced seizure threshold was likely brought about partially from doing too much and partially from a sinus infection. An increase in anti seizure medication and antibiotics seems to have resolved this. A good thing? Of course. However...... we now have the situation where my anti seizure medication is increased, at the same time as a change in steroids, on top of an infection and antibiotics.......
The result? I won’t take a seizure on you, but I may stare at you blankly as I desperately try to focus on what’s going on, or I may start to cry because I’m feeling a bit disorientated and odd. I often feel dizzy and I’m dulled down. Which I hate. But I know I need to exercise some patience with the new meds mix..... and be kind to myself, not expecting too much or being too hard on myself.
As ever, it’s those around me that pull me through. My husband, a hero amongst men, who’s patience knows no bounds. My sister. My friends, from all walks of my life; some from childhood, others more recently met. All my shining stars. All sending me constant good wishes through hugs, messages of support and just their wonderful energy.
As ever, serendipitous moments give me joy and remind me I can do this. Yesterday I bumped into two old friends within an hour of each other. Both happy spirits, both lifting me and making me smile. Then I got chatting to a stranger who told me of his cousin, who’s been living with a brain tumour for 18 years now. I didn’t ask detail about location or grade etc because I know they’re all different, but it’s further proof there are good news stories out there. And there really are...... I hear them all the time. I intend to continue to be one of them.
Even as I sat down to write this update, I received a well timed message from a happy soul I’d never have met if not for my unfortunate diagnosis. In it, she built me up and showed complete faith in my ability to keep fighting this thing. I take all this support and messages as signs..... I know we can do this.
I hope this hasn’t seemed a negative posting.... my hits now sit at over 52,000 and the aim is to get things out, but in a helpful and positive way. It’s an airing of my thoughts in order to remind myself of all the many, very genuine positives. I am here, i have the seizure risk under control again, I am enjoying time to relax, regroup, spend quality time with hubby, and try to get the medications mix right. These are the things that will keep me here annoying your heads for many years to come!
Living with..... let’s do this!! Xxx
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