When I initially became unwell and was in hospital, I lost weight. I was referred to a dietitian and was prescribed build up shakes. I put the weight back on...... and kept going...... and going........ yikes! Steroids are not kind to your figure. Not only have I gained weight, I also literally puff up...... it can be painful and uncomfortable and there are ‘fatty deposits’ that appear from out of nowhere. I bloat and can look 8 months pregnant. My feet and knees swell, especially when I’m coming up to changing my steroid dose every fortnight, and in the hot weather.
At the risk of sounding totally vain, it’s hard for me as a girl to see the somewhat chunky version of me these days! I’ve never been really ‘girlie’..... I didn’t start wearing make up properly until I was in my 30s, and even then I kept it light. By the time I hit 40 I think I was at my most body confident time, but I was still always going to be a fairly plain Jane. 18 months on, steroids have not been kind to that size 8 figure..... though in fairness it’s my hand that keeps sneaking into the biscuit barrel! I’ve been more disciplined with my diet lately, but the steroid bloat still happens regularly. I know it really doesn’t matter and that it’s temporary, but it can be difficult to look in a mirror sometimes.
Yesterday was a bad day. The weather was grey and muggy and my head was thumping. The human barometer strikes again. I was finding it difficult to keep my eyes open and it affected my mood. There were random tears on and off all day. Over stupid things. In August I’m due an appointment with my neurologist and I’m also due a scan. Neither appointment date has come through yet and I know rightly that I’m going to have to get help from my Hospice nurse to follow them up. Scanxiety is starting to creep in a bit. Thankfully hubby patiently reassured and made sure I wasn’t left crying for long. He even carefully manoeuvred his way through my tears over being chubby....... potentially dangerous territory for a husband, but he handled it beautifully.
Today was a better day. I woke up to the sun shining. Tropical Storm Chris seemed to be leaving me alone and I felt much brighter. So we went into town and I bought clothes. More clothes. I ignored the size and I reminded myself I can lose weight later. I reminded myself that I’m fighting a brain tumour and trying to get off steroids. It’s ok to carry a bit of extra weight. Nobody cares.
If you find yourself in the same position, George at Asda and TKMaxx offer very well priced and kind fitting clothing for the larger lady! I’ve now got some lovely bright coloured, bigger clothes, and my confidence has already been somewhat repaired. I’ll tackle the important stuff first. The weight can go later.
I know this post may seem vain and unimportant to some, but I wanted to be honest about it because I know it can genuinely have an impact on peoples’ mental well-being, and that all impacts on our physical health too.
I guess I’ll just be a whole lotta woman for a wee while......! Xx
No comments:
Post a Comment