Ironically, the increases keep me safe but make me feel worse. Logically I know I’m safer, but physically I feel more vulnerable. I’m tired, a bit shaky and generally more dopey. As a result, I managed to take a double dose of anti seizure meds this morning..... taking tonight’s as well as this morning’s. Unbelievably, despite being in marked up pill boxes, this is the second time I’ve done this in the past year. A lapse in concentration resulting in me making a stupid mistake. I thought I’d cried all my tears over Thursday night, Friday and Saturday, but the meds mess up this morning brought more. I don’t want to be the idiot having to bother the doctor on call to ask what I do after taking the wrong tablet dose....... again...... The doctor on duty was lovely and reassured me patiently. It was decided that I should prepare to feel particularly tired and dopey today but just to keep things calm and only take a very small dose this evening to keep me safe overnight. I know half the battle is staying calm, and I’m hoping I’m so tired I’ll sleep through tonight without any issues. The only way to deal with it is by staying calm and not allowing fear or negativity to creep in.
Thankfully, as ever, my wonderful family stepped in to hold me up. My sister and brother in law were over for a quick visit after my hospital stay. I couldn’t really sea swim today, but we all went to Portrush anyway. We could still appreciate the sea air, the beauty of the sea, and each others’ company. We enjoyed breakfast, had a short walk and ate ice creams. Then we came home and waved sis and b-i-l off. Hubby and I settled on the sofa with Rock of Ages. We subsequently booked tickets to see the musical at the Grand Opera House next June. Sure, why not?
So it’s been a crappy few days but also a few days when I’m yet again reminded how loved and cared for I am. Far too many tears shed but supported by my local Team and my family as always.
Tomorrow I’m going to work as planned. I wouldn’t if I didn’t feel up to it or thought there was any risk. I know that staying at home or sitting alone will drag my mood down further as I’ll overthink.
The facts are that I’m grand. The increase in meds is a setback but it’s temporary. We’ve been here before and we’ll get through it now like we did then. I’ll pay more attention and make sure I don’t lose focus and take even more than I’m supposed to.... numpty! I’ve been checked over, I’ve had another wee warning about doing too much and getting over excited, I’ve had my scan results a bit earlier than expected and the tumour is stable. Plenty of positives.
Just to prove I’m still smiling, go into YouTube and look up the video of the older, Scottish woman reading The Wonky Donkey to her grandchild. Funniest thing I’ve seen in a long time.
“Against the assault of laughter, nothing can stand.”
Mark Twain
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