Still standing!

“Don't you know I'm still standing better than I ever did

Looking like a true survivor, feeling like a little kid”

I’m still standing, Elton John

Seizures and a night in hospital are not what we want. It’s easy to feel a bit defeated by another setback. Until we really think about it..... I’ve just been reminded to take care of myself, to take things slowly, that it’s ok to have a good cry, and that I’m still here and luckier than many. I’ve been reminded of how many people care about me and how many good people there are in the world. 

I was kept in hospital for just one night. During that time I was kept safe and had a full MOT. I also got the general results from my last scan...... it’s being classed as stable. There will always be the totally unrealistic, believes in fairies, part of me that believes some day I’ll be called in and told the tumour has gone completely......but in the absence of magic, ‘stable’ is as good as we’re going to get. Stable is good. Stable is great. Stable is alive and functioning and living a happy life. 

So I’m relieved but also still a bit scared. Seizures knock your confidence. I’m scared of another one happening. Particularly in public. I feel guilty for others having to deal with me because I know it must be awful to see someone in that state. I’m tired and still a bit shaken (no pun intended, but comedy genius is difficult to suppress!)

So why did it happen now? Probably medication changes. And maybe a bit of over activity on my part again. September is a big, exciting month for me. Like a child on Christmas Eve, sometimes I can overwhelm myself.....

But we’ve been here before.  Serious medical conditions bring big, scary times. There’s no avoiding them. But that’s life. Brain tumours suck. Cancer sucks. But I’m home, I’m safe, hubby is looking after me and my sister and brother-in-law are coming over for a flying visit. My confidence will come back as time passes. 

One final funny story to end this blog entry on......

The Family Room our Macmillan donation is paying to refurbish? I was told it’d probably be in Medical Ward 1. I said I’d prefer it was in Rehab 1 because that’s the ward is been in..... Guess what ward I was in on Thursday night?? Oh the irony...... Medical 1 of course! The staff there were also wonderful, as were those in A&E. My local hospital is jammed full of incredible NHS staff. I have a whole team of experts who I know have my back. Not to mention the emotional support of the best family and friends anyone could ever hope for.

Slightly down but far from out..... 

“Blackbird singing in the dead of night

Take these broken wings and learn to fly

All your life

You were only waiting for this moment to arise.”

Blackbird, The Beatles