The good and the bad....

Yet again, I find myself torn between feeling incredibly positive and hugely frustrated and scared. I’m focusing on the former and trying to constructively deal with the latter..... 

I’ll write about them in reverse and start with the negative because I can’t and won’t say too much about it, so it’ll be quick! Suffice to say that our Health Service, like all other parts of life, contains some amazing people and some awful people. It can be inspiring and life saving whilst also being, at times, dangerously incompetent. There is a massive funding issue and also some human cynicism and lack of care. Patients rely on the NHS staff and it’s terrifying when you can see a clear lack of care and become confused about the best way forward. As ever, I remain grateful to the ones who’re in the job for the right reasons and I lean on them to help me navigate the deep and dangerous waters of a minority of departments/ specialists. 

September was always going to be a big, exciting month for me. I knew this and had been settling myself and preparing for it. I had hoped to be finished with steroids on Saturday past so was seeing the next few months as ones where my body could just start to find it’s balance again. Unfortunately my wee set back has extended out the steroids for a bit longer. Only a few weeks, but enough to lead to a few tears. 

Right, that’s the negative done. I’ve stuff to sort but it’s a job for another day and much higher energy levels.

Positives! They’re where it’s at........

On Saturday, hubby and I went to two charity coffee mornings. One was for QUB Brain Tumour Research and the other for Macmillan. It was lovely to bump into a nurse who’d help deal with me when I had my most recent seizure. I owed her a hug and it felt good to get the chance to deliver it. Today I unexpectedly bumped into two people who I’d met at one of the coffee mornings. More lovely folk who’ve learnt the value of life. This was followed closely by meeting a colleague from my first full time  job, some 20+ years ago! She had sent me a lovely card when she’d found out about my condition and it was nice to see her, say thanks and share yet another hug! 

I got sea bathing again yesterday after missing the previous week following my hospital stay. This week my neighbour went in too. She loved it and I loved her company! What a glorious, life affirming way to spend a morning. 

Last night we went to the Waterfront to see Biffy Clyro unplugged. I cried three times but just “oh I’m a bit overwhelmed” tears that didn’t last. I’m quite sure releasing them did me a world of good. 

Today I’ve been working and have spent some time with my dad. I’m tired so will be in bed early tonight. Some of the finishing touches for my BEM outfit arrived, which makes me smile. I can’t believe it’s next week! It still feels so surreal. I hope my outfit is enjoyed by family and friends as being both suitably smart and dressy, yet slightly quirky..... Hoping the weather gods don’t dump another storm on us, but the long range forecast isn’t too bad so far. Honestly I don’t even know if it’ll be indoor or outdoor so it’ll all be a lovely surprise on the day. Most importantly I get to share an enormous honour with my husband, son and sister. 

So all in all I guess the rollercoaster ride continues. It’s just life. Highs and lows, putting one step in front of the other, and enjoying the good times and positive human energies. Hopefully I’m doing it right!

“I work very hard, and I play very hard. I’m grateful for life. And I live it – I believe life loves the liver of it. I live it.”

Maya Angelou