Looking Spruce!

The night before last I felt like I hardly slept. I woke up with the image of a photograph in my head and couldn't settle due to the urge to go and look for it. It's just as well I resisted the urge, because i found out the next day that it wasn't where I thought it was..... in fact it wasn't in my house, or even the country. My sister had it! So I'm glad I was able to relax my mind into knowing there was no need to get up in the middle of the night to look for something! I'm going to call that further progress!!

The photo was of me and my sister, with my mum. So I was under 5 years old in it. The photo I remember was of us walking down a forest path, with one of us on either side, holding her hand. What woke me was the image of the matching t-shirts my sister and I were wearing........ each with a cartoon tree on them and the words "I'm looking Spruce"! It struck me as funny, given all my talk of 'my' Sitka Spruce out at Downhill.

In reality, my memory of the photo wasn't quite right. I am actually wearing a t-shirt from a holiday in Tunisia and only my sister has the Spruce t-shirt. She says if she had it now, she'd give it to me, and I know beyond a shadow of a doubt that she would. I was a bit disappointed when I saw my lack of Spruce t-shirt...... it would've entertained me hugely to see me in it. 

It's incidences like this that make me curious..... In a similar way to my Wind in the Willows obsession, it feels a bit like old memories are coming back. Ones I didn't always realise I had. Spruce trees are somehow comforting due to childhood memories? 

This is when I start to get curious about the brain and how it works, including what has been done to mine...... I know the area where I had surgery is involved in forming new memories. I notice the effects. I'll remember someone I haven't seen in 20 years, but forget what I did this morning. Mostly it's funny and always manageable if I just concentrate..... if I'm carrying out a task I can't get distracted, or it won't get finished. But if I focus then it's grand. Some of the very old memories popping back in is the thing I find most interesting........ it almost feels like new memories are trying to hook onto old ones to ensure they're kept. And to provide comfort. Don't forget to go measure the tree..... 'I'm looking Spruce'. You're safe on the riverbank......childhood toy Moley........ 

I'm very curious about it, and I know I could find out more if I wanted (I've got the brain expert contacts now unfortunately!!) But no, I don't think I need to know anymore just yet. Maybe some time, but at the moment I think I'll content myself with knowing my tumour-damaged cells are healing. However they choose to do that is fine with me! 

Isn't the brain great?? Look at what it can do! I'm now frequently reminded. And I'm unashamedly impressed! Keep healing like this and by this time next year I could be a flippin brain surgeon!! Who'd have known so much was going on up there?? I hid it well....!

But thinking too much about it leads to more thinking too much about it........ that can become counter productive for me, as I can overthink and over analyse and sometimes catastrophise...... so I'll just stick with smiling at 'looking Spruce', measuring trees, relaxing, feeling safe and content, and using the remainder of my time off to enjoy the company of friends, old and new. The wide world will have me back soon enough...... xxx