A new friend paid me a massive compliment today that was really appreciated. She said of the blog that it was “Impossible not to see the world as you do after reading”. What a beautiful thing thing to say.
And what a big responsibility....... I’d better see the world beautifully then, hadn’t I? Easy to pick people up, just as easy to pull them down. Ive been honest about my ‘emotional dips’, but I’d never want the blog to be a sad place. General feedback tells me it’s not, but it’s something I’m always conscious of. The fact remains that I am being treated. It’s difficult treatment. I often grieve for my old life, but I’m also glad to have my eyes opened to the parts of it that did me no good. We never lived a ‘big life’. We’ve never tried to keep up with the Joneses or coveted what others had. But I’ll admit to being out at work too many hours in a day, and to not taking enough ‘down time’. Not drinking or running round going to gigs, actual ‘down time’. Walks and cuppas with friends. I did it, but not enough. Now my favourite times are those spent laughing with friends or attending my weekly cancer rehabilitation Keep Fit class.
This year it’s been easier for me to get time with people who care. I’m enjoying that. Some of those people have been complete revelations to me, others are solid reliable people I’d never have expected anything else from. Equally there’s been a few (though thankfully very few) disappointments. Some who just don’t know what to say or do, some who are just too busy to make time, some who were great but then just gradually fell away as their own lives (naturally) took priority, some who actually don’t give a damn. Honestly, if my friend were going through chemo, I think I’d fall into the former category. I wouldn’t know what to do. I wouldn’t want to intrude or overwhelm, but I’d do anything if steered in the right direction.
People are funny old things....... Facebook will very quickly show you which are the ones to have around in crisis....... a quick way of telling apart people who delight in happy and silly, from the grief junkies and harbingers of doom. Sometimes I wonder at my audacity at saying things like that, when I’ve written so honestly about my emotions this year. Writing negatively can simply be some peoples’ way of getting it out of their system. Sometimes though, I think some would be better going for a walk........
Social media is both a blessing and a curse. I love delighting in a video of a person falling over as much as the next person, but sometimes I can’t look at one more post seemingly delighting in a terrible thing that’s happened, hourly selfies, or another check in to a doctor surgery or hospital. And then there’s holidays....... I quite enjoy them usually! As long as it’s not all photos of you, drinking. I like the ones where I get to see where you’ve been. Just a few, carefully chosen snaps of happy faces and beautiful places..... Where social media shows it’s worth sticking with, is its ability to spread information about events. It’s a quick, easy way to let people know about charity events or exciting things happening. For us, it’s like the Radio Times for gigs! I still haven’t managed to get to one all year, and it’s not looking likely for near future, but 2018........ watch out for an event that ticks the boxes for charity event, exciting things and gigs!
Chemo cycle 3 is due to start on Tuesday. Nerves are starting to build a bit. Im keeping chilled by telling myself the usual...... it’ll happen, you’ll be grand......if it doesn’t go ahead it’s because your body isn’t ready, enjoy the extra break. I did have two near strangers tell me yesterday that I look a lot better than the last time they saw me, and hubby is convinced I look better now than I did at this stage last time, so here’s hoping. It’s a marathon, not a sprint etc etc But of course there’s part of me that just wants to get it done. The’gggrrrr’ part that goes in like Rocky! Now that I have my line in, I’ll know on Monday afternoon if my bloods are ok or not. That’ll help. Better than going up and being sent home.
Another ‘not funny’ blog entry...... hmmmm...... what can I throw in?? There’s always something....... did I tell you about the time I left my house, having locked the front door but not shutting the handle properly?? A delivery man discovered my completely insecure house and went to tell a neighbour. The neighbour rang my husband, who rang me. My phone has been on silent for 8 months. Yes, I felt it buzzing, but it’s always buzzing. I was having lunch.....!! Izzy the wonder dog had everything under control anyway........
Or, even better....... how you can make mischief from over 50 miles away........ Remember when David Bowie died? Of course you do. It was all over the tv and radio. No getting away from the sad news. So much so that one of my team at work, deadpan, asked ‘Is Bowie dead??’ The joke continued with ‘Is Prince dead?’, ‘Is Glen Frey dead?’ Etc To some this will seem like sacrilege, but I think most will understand you take your humour, even if sometimes a little dark, wherever you can find it when you work in a serious office, dealing with serious stuff....... So, now I find myself sitting on something I’m itching to say...... I want to make my team laugh....... the guy who originally asked the question isn’t there...... what to do?? Why, enlist as many people who’s mobile numbers you have to pop their heads around the Office door and ask ‘Is Tom Petty dead?’....... one even delighted me by going freestyle and going back again later to ask ‘is Alan Rickman dead?’...... I’m not sure if the office found it funny, but I did! A silly way of reminding them I miss them!! A silly way of reminding myself I’m still part of the gang. A silly way of keeping myself laughing. I hope anyone who reads this will see or do some ‘silly’ today! Make sure to report back on activities! Xxx
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