As of today, 33,000 is the number of hits I've had on this blog! That's nothing short of crazy to me! It's been running 26 weeks and that's not unique hits, but even still....
The Analyst in me feels it necessary to provide a bit more information.....
Number of posts - 142 (average of 4/ week. I have a lot to say.........)
Blog hits - 33,000
Average views per week - 1,269
Average views per day - 181
Top 3 most popular posts-
I Made you a promise
Who am I?
Finally I sleep
This is staggering! Even if the same 100 people looked at it every day faithfully, the number of hits would be close to half what it actually is. I don't believe I know 200 people........ certainly not that would interested in this....!
Part of me is mortified as ever...... I have shown my soul in this blog. From day one it's been like thinking out loud. My way of releasing my thoughts and feelings. Partially my way of coping. I still find it hugely surprising that I chose to do that publically..... and really don't know why I did. I always hoped it might help others in some way, and I have had some people talk to me about it, that have made me feel like maybe, just maybe...... I wasn't the only one who's felt particular ways at difficult times in life. I know I've made a few people laugh (granted often close friends!), but it can only be healthy when you're typing something and making yourself laugh too!....... Probably the height of arrogance to be laughing at your own jokes, but I was laughing at the re-telling of some really funny stuff, rather than at my comedic ability! Sometimes things happen that are just funny! I hope, as well, that the stories of how decent and good people generally are, brings a smile to the odd face. Again, the act of writing it down has been a joyful experience for me, at a time when it can sometimes be hard to remember you're surrounding by genuine love.
I love writing about an act of kindness or a funny thing that has happened. Unfortunately there's also a necessity for crap bits too....... medical updates etc. The dull bits. But really the dull bits are what started this....... the provision of medical updates to the large number of wonderful family and friends that genuinely care. If I had to guess how many of those people there are who faithfully read the blog daily, I'd generously estimate it at about 30. That leaves 151 people every day. Some will be just plain nosy..... although committedly so, it seems! Some just curious. But if I were getting just 5 people every day, reading because they've felt the same. Be it in terms of the emotional journey that serious illness brings or understanding and controlling anxiety (whatever the cause), then I'd be achieving a huge amount and I'd be very happy with that. In fact, I'd be happy with one...... ever!
This sounds like a last update but it's not! I'm competitive...... 50,000 seems reasonable? I've still months of chemo and lots to say...... which neartly segways into today's update...
No chemo again today. Sis and I went up to Belfast and the hope was my bloods would be ok and I'd get my PICC line in and start cycle 2. I was sceptical. I haven't been well for the last week or so. I've been fighting it, but am on antibiotics again. Ear/throat/murderous headaches..... sinuses if I had to guess........... I had two sea walks over the weekend as the salt air often helps. Truth is I feel pretty bad. Nothing awful........ unlikely to have kept me off work, but might've sent me home early...... I was trying to be positive and convince my body it was fine, but I knew I felt worse than I did last week. Unfortunately I'd read this one right. No chemo today. This time platelets were ok, but nutrafills were 0.2 lower that the cutoff point. Last week when I was told no chemo, I cried my eyes out. Then went to keep fit class. This week I breathed a massive sigh of relief! I feel a bit annoyed with myself for being quite so relieved...... but I knew I wasn't fit for it. It's so tempting to always want things to move. To keep taking the punches, because you want it over with. Sometimes your body just says no. That's why your bloods are checked and there are strict parameters. I was never naturally great at rolling with the punches, but I'm learning the art....... I suspect this is how cancer treatment often is...... you've got to learn to be flexible. The hardest bit for me is dragging my sister over from Manchester. She'd never say, but I know how inconvenient it can be. I have other people who would take me up, but your sister is your sister....... She has a way with her. There are skills needed!! Organisational (get us there on time, sure to keep notes, query things) and emotional (keep me calm, comfort during times of physical pain that usually involve a needle!). Plus she's pretty much always calm, unpressured and unhurried.
I'm not hugely unwell, but I could've been if they'd started me on chemo today. So I'll spend the week resting, getting rid of whatever minor ailment has come my way and keeping active in a gentle way.
And eating. I remember joking that I must be the only cancer patient to gain half a stone. What goes up, must come down....... a full stone off in 7 weeks....... So this week if you see me without a food item in my hand then stick one in it please!!
Next week we try again. I'm confident by then I'll be ready. Handily, hubby had booked next week off. We had some plans to do fun stuff...... but now he gets to look after me! That's a huge comfort to me to have him off when I'll be feeling at my worst, so I'm not mucking it up! Cycle 2 will start on Tuesday if I have to start stealing good bloods!! Xxx
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