False advertising

The profile picture for this blog is now just completely false advertising....... it always was if I’m honest....... the ‘cartoon me’ has always been much cuter than the real one! The one accuracy was the long, flame red hair (not a natural phenomenon I’ll admit, but that was the colour).

Brain surgery leaves a scar. Hopefully a neat one like mine (running blanket stitch my surgeon maintains!), but a scar none the less. I chose not to shave my head prior to surgery. On the advice of the surgeon, who promised to take as little hair as necessary, and advised leaving it long would make it easier covered up after. That was true...... until radiotherapy.

Radio to the head can take hair. Entry and exit wounds....... In my case it simply pushed my hairline back by around 3 inches. Male pattern baldness with a massively receding hairline. Again, I chose not to go for the big shave. The thought of clippers anywhere near my tender, eggshell scalp makes me judder, even now. 

I watched a couple of other patients (now friends) brave the shave, and gets wigs. Both looked (and still do look) amazing! I stuck with thick hairbands and hats. Keeping the length at the back and covering the offending bit. Pretending. 

The good thing about losing hair through radio is that it usually grows back. I was lucky and mine started to pretty quickly. It didn’t even grow back grey!! One or two rogue strands, but mostly a rich, dark brown that, after dying my hair since I was 15 years old, I had no idea was under there!

My grow-back style was questionable though....... very much an ‘80s mullet look, Billy Ray Cyrus could’ve been my twin...... It grew at different rates, meaning a pixie cut wasn’t an option.

Yesterday one of my best friends took me to the hairdresser again. We discussed cutting it all up short. She was a little apprehensive as it was all different lengths, telling me to prepare for a ‘wee boy haircut’, rather than a ‘pixie cut’. Halfway through the cutting, I was watching my funky new crop take shape and I started to cry with happiness. I said to her “I knew this’d be cool! You’re looking at it now and you know it’s quite funky. I can see it in your face, you’re glad you did this!” She admitted this was true and that, whilst she’d known it’d be cool, it was turning out better than she’d imagined it would. That’s not a ‘wee boy haircut, that’s a strong woman haircut!’

Later a good friend likened me to a young Jamie Lee Curtis....... I wish I had her body too!!! She was being generous, but I’m really pleased with my funky new look...... sometimes it’s just the wee things....... 

This morning I have woken up much less Jamie Lee Curtis, and much more ‘cheeky monkey’! But it feels good! 

Today I’m having a duvet day. I’ve been running at 100mph the past 4 days and am mildly nervous ahead of a neurologist appt on Thursday. I’ll potter about with a few things and have a Hospice worker calling to visit (that’s a lesson I’ve learnt this year too....... Macmillan and Hospice help doesn’t mean you’re about to ‘turn your toes up’. Palliative means help for people with incurable conditions, not just ‘end of life’ care. Engage early - they’re brilliant!) Other than that I will patiently wait for all the online shopping I’ve been doing to start to arrive! Wedding goodies for my sisters big day in May, presents for people, treats for me......... there’s been some spending done!

I don’t think I’ve felt as physically well for a year....... funnily, not since they started giving me phenytoin...... I’m reigning in the horse that wants to canter off down the beach, but I’m also embracing the new found energy and zest for life! Xxx