Honestly, I’m pretty much still just Trish. Except I’m a Trish with complete clarity about what and who is important in my life. I’m a Trish who doesn’t worry too much about things!
Home
I’m still a wife and mother. We are all so relieved to be through such a horrible year, and are spending loads of quality time and just enjoying each other’s company.
I’m still a rocker! I’ll have to be a bit more careful about gigs as I can get over sensitised by noise/lights/crowds, but I’m getting ready to start dipping my toe into that world again (ear defenders in hand...)
I’ve got until May to acclimatise........ We have a charity rock gig planned in aid of Macmillan (‘Triciafest’ anyone??...!), with 5 local bands all generously giving their time. Should be a great night! And just to make it totally perfect, my sister is getting married during the day!
So it’ll be a day of celebrations with family and friends, and an evening of celebrations, fun and music with family and friends! And all while gathering in money for the charity that helped save my life. Perfect!!
Work
I remain shamelessly committed to PSNI. An organisation that so often gets a difficult time....... no organisation is perfect, and as public servants (particularly given the context of NI) it’s right that there’s a strong accountability framework......... I still believe it is a good organisation that holds true to its core values and I believe the current leadership team are committed to moving policing forward. I believe it is happening, and am frustrated by the impact of political indecision and immaturity.
Please note!...... This is personal opinion...... I’m not speaking for the organisation.
I’m still passionate about policing, and looking forward to properly getting involved in working life again. I want to do a good job and I believe I have skills that can make me a useful assistance to police officers ‘on the ground’. I am not, however, hell bent on career or promotion anymore. I will never be a slave to the grind again.
I want to do a good job, make a difference, pay my bills, and spend my down time hiking, out in nature, enjoying reading, and having fun!
So, who am I now?? I’m the best version of ‘me’ I’ve ever been! Physically I’m slightly weaker, but only slightly;
I’m too skinny (but working on it....... successfully........ I don’t think I could ever adequately explain what it’s like to start enjoying food again after a year of what often felt like ‘force feeding’).
I use a walking stick. It’s ‘just in case’ and I’m relaxed by it. Using a security blanket is better than falling over!
I have some slight nerve damage from surgery and perhaps the odd neurological ‘twitch’. It’s slight and I’ve been assured not too noticeable...... rarely a day goes by that I don’t miss my mouth or spill something, but that strikes me as a very small price. Sometimes the odd stammer or facial twitch, but nothing dramatic.
Sometimes it can take me a bit longer to process things. Especially if I’m tired or feel like I’m being pressured. I’m learning to just step away from situations where I feel like this. I go easy on myself.
I have a very definite scar and indent on my head. Battle wounds. I’m not bothered by them.
I still have a bit of a pesky brain tumour. But it’s a lot smaller than it used to be and is currently on best behaviour. I don’t think about it too much and I don’t sit around awaiting another disaster. It’s a bit weird to know it’s there sometimes, but I don’t feel anxiety over it.
I am still the luckiest unlucky girl in the world. The last 14 months have been unbelievable, terrifying, heart breaking, nerve wracking and horrible for my family and I ........ yet we have been left with an affirmation of life and what’s important. A new attitude, with priorities completely sorted out and feeling relaxed and happy. We have made bonds and seen and done things that will change us forever, in a positive way. We are intensely and annoyingly happy, positive and full of zest for life!
Who am I now?? I’m Trish....... the one who loves life!
Xxx
No comments:
Post a Comment