Another 2 days

Another 2 days spent keeping me alive........ stopping me from having another massive seizure of from going into status epilepticus. Days spent trying to sleep but not too deeply. Keeping my head in the exact position to prevent additional pressure and fitting. Sweating in bed, scared to move. Breathing deeply to minimise panic attacks. Trying to get up without falling over and/or throwing up. Forcing myself to get up to use the bathroom, but having to hold on to hubby to get there. Keeping a dish close for the inevitable start of uncontrollable vomiting at the slightest head movement. 

A team effort of me, family and hospital staff. I wish it were later in the morning but hopefully at 3am I’m through the worst..... out of the danger zone again.

The trauma levels attached to what has happened to us over the past year are becoming huge. It’s going to take a lot of counselling to get over the initial unexpected seizure and diagnosis, the awake brain surgery, the poisoning, the seizures........

I am exhausted. Physically and mentally. As are my family and friends.

Stop the world, I want to get off. Get me home to my own bed, covers over the head for a while. This is unfair for any family to have to go through. 

But look...... another battle won. It tried to take me again and it didn’t. It was a tough fight though. 

Today I go home. To rest. To take to my bed and let myself recover from two more ‘near death’ experiences. Mentally and physically. 

I’m praying to the weather gods and am planning to move at snail speed...... when I move........ which will be no further than from bed to en suite and back.

Fighting this brain tumour (not to mention the medications, which I sometimes feel may be the bigger issue) is hard work. I am harnessing my inner Thor, but hoping the tumour will agree with me that we should just try to get along with each other and stop fighting each other so much. All I want it to do is just have a wee rest....