Cold, hard facts

• I have two different brain tumour challenges....... complex, as life so often is! 
• Part 1 - large, invasive, probably low grade tumour, likely to have been growing for years. Picture it like a sponge. It cannot be cured but it may be possible to manage it. I could live with it and just be a little 'quirky'. In fact, I have been for years it seems!
• Part 2 - For some reason there are other, more aggressive, cyst like tumours. I call them the 'angry peas'. They're mean. They put me into a grand mal seizure and have the power to take me out whenever they want. They've developed fast. No-one knows why. They're angry and they're unpredictable. We don't know their motivations or their plans. Ideally you'd want them out. Quickly. But we don't really understand them so they're tricky to deal with.
• I have surgeries planned. The first is messy, open your head, remove some of the spongy tumour. Not curative but could buy time. There are risks, as with any surgery, but my surgeon thinks she can go in and free up some space, reduce some swelling. I believe her. She's also humble enough to accept my parameters - don't take risks, don't leave me with no quality of life. She's confident enough to give it a go, but not cocky enough to take unnecessary chances.
• The second surgery is explorative. It's about the angry peas. Let's have a poke and see. It'll be done second because we need to free up space first. It's 'awake' so I'll be talking etc while it goes on. It means the surgeon can decide whether the angry peas can safely be removed, or if they're too angry or embedded.
• Both surgeries carry risks. Actually the biggest are the same as for any surgery - infections, your body just doing something random..... whatever.
• I'm getting fighting fit for both surgeries. I know I could spark out at random if an angry pea decides to do something again, but I'm damned sure I'm not sitting here in fear. I'm getting ready, I'm putting my faith in the experts, and I'm taking a leap of faith. If something happens in the meantime then I'll go knowing my house was in order and im going in peace. I say that with a big shout back to my first point - I'm getting ready for a fight!
• I do not believe this is my time.