Fighting on....... in the Ward of Winners

im trying so hard to keep documenting this. For myself, but also for others. It's often completely inexplicable. That makes in even more important to write it down. I feel like I owe it to anyone experiencing the same. Reassurance. Understanding.
Today started badly. I couldn't waken up. I just wanted to sleep. I felt like wveryone was pressuring me..... wake up, eat, go to sleep, take your tablets....... I was crabbit. Very crabbit!

I wanted to sleep but I knew that I wasn't fighting. I knew I was breaking my promises. I was just so tired. A bit defeated if I'm honest.

I don't think I woke properly until lunchtime and only with the help of my sister. It's important to sleep. But it's also important to rebuild Neuro pathways...... you do that by eating, walking, talking, fighting. My sister helps me do all those things. Other patients also make sure I do the right things.

Today another patient gave me soup. If she hadn't I probably ouldnt have eaten until teatime. Kindness, understanding, reassurance, fight.

My sister eventually got me eating, got me up out of bed, a walk with Big Man, a wash. All the things I have to do. All the things that are so difficult. I couldn't do this without her. She is selfless.

I've still got a total aversion to certain doctors and nurses on the ward and can be a complete cow. Seems there's a yin to my yan...... Little Miss Positivity can also be a complete diva. I make demands. One doctor is nicknamed "six veins" and I won't allow her to take my blood. Another is "one vein" and he's allowed. God love these poor doctors and nurses. Patience of saints.

Medically I've had a few things happen today. I've had two facial seizures. Kind of like being tazered to the face. Not good. Possibly due to medication changes. I'm trying desperately to manage these but it's very hard. They frighten me. I feel like my body is just doing stuff and I can't stop it. I'm trying to manage then as I do with the othe epilepsy - through positive thoughts and positivity Blasts. All the photos you guys have sent me help so much.

A cold compress is the single best thing ever. I permanently have s cold cloth on my head. I'm sure I look quite mad. But it serves so many purposes. The cool stops me feeling sick. It provides comfort. When you have two black eyes and a swollen face (as I do) it reduces the swelling. It can be put over your whole face, hiding you from the world. So I am the one with the soft, wet, baby facecloth permanently on her head. And I am the one who doesn't care how nuts it looks!

I've had another CT scan this evening. Results are for my surgeon I assume. I also had an injection in my tummy to stop blood clots. I didn't want to get it. Other patients persuaded me, along with a nurse and doctor that I trust. It was vaguely unpleasant but a sensible thing to do.
My blood pressure remains low on ocassion. Always was. I try to raise it through drinking water and doing whatever the nurses tell me.

I plan to try and relax this evening. Family have brought me a portable DVD player. I'm going to try and watch a nice calm film. At 7pm I will take necessary anti epilepsyedications, have a cup of tea and toast with jam, watch my film. Then I will try to get a decent night's sleep.

Tomorrow we will do it all again.

This is tough. It's a journey. I have brought those closest to me on the journey with me. I feel awful for that. Our journeys are all slightly different, but dictated by my brain. My family and friends are nothing short of amazing. Don't give me credit. I don't deserve it. It's those around me that are doing this. Literally saving my life. Every day. Meeting my lists of ridiculous demands. Unquestioning.

Plus my medical team and my friends in the Ward of Winners. I am surrounded by experts. I am surrounded by patience. I am surrounded by fight. Courage and selflessness everywhere I look. I am not 'inspirational'....... you guys are. Completely. I document it for others. And for nyself. So I understand it if there's more to come,. S o others understand what they are going through is normal.

Thank you to all of you. For being there. For forming my cage.
I have had so many gifts I couldn't list them all, but thank you for those too .
I love you. You are saving my life. Be proud of yourselves. You are inspirational. The goodness of people.
❤