Hair today, gone tomorrow......

I knew I'd lose four patches of hair. Entry and exit wounds of sorts...... I wasn't particularly bothered. I knew it didn't matter and I've been rocking my surgery stripe for ages now. I think I commented yesterday that I wasn't vain. That was the completely wrong word. It's not vanity to be upset by losing hair. I stood in the shower this morning with a chunk of hair in my hand. It's not vanity to cry about that. I'm not worried about a couple of bald patches, but I'm not enjoying seeing hair everywhere or running my fingers through my hair and taking away large amounts.

It has caused me some anxiety today, though I've managed myself through it. Or, as usual, others have. My lovely lunch making friend is coming up on Saturday to cut it up shorter for me and I've also taken a lot of heart as usual from some lovely people up in the Cancer Centre. One lady came to excitedly tell me her last treatment was today. She said she knew I'd be excited for her (which I really was!!) and told me she thought I was lovely! I think she's lovely too.... very warm..... as usual the goodness of people raises my spirits like nothing else. I also spoke to another couple of regulars and a guy who was there for his first treatment. Each one positive and all of us reassuring each other and sharing a smile. That, for me, is better than any pill from a doctor. I also had the usual messages of love and laughter...... I love you guys so much! I've been sent wedding photos, secret announcements of pregnancy and some of the funniest mishap stories I could ever wish to read! These are the things that pick up a low mood. The kindness, laughs and encouragement of both friends and strangers.

So as regards the hair..... it'll be four patches. The rest of my hair may well cover them. Once it's gone, it's gone..... trauma over..... I probably won't be able to see them. .....I can buy hats....... and it couldn't possibly look any odder than the spiky bits growing back along my scar! At some point the regrowth will reach the length where it stops sticking straight up and starts falling down like the rest of my hair. I'm very grateful to have fine hair too...... having a big thick mop would've been far worse. And I can still get a wig if I so chose. I know two people who've got them and they look completely amazing! One of the things that puts me off is that I don't think I'd ever be content with my own hair again!! A few months of lovely, thick, flowing waves could make my fine, poker straight flat hair seem inadequate! 

To end with happiness as always! Today I walked in to hear people singing and playing musical instruments in the foyer. I have previously threatened forming s choir (and dance troop for flash mobs) although I have to remember that I don't currently have the time or energy and can't sing or dance. It was fantastic to walk in and hear that all going on though. Apparently it was medical students from QUB........ they'll have been the all rounders from school that were bright, played instruments and were great at sports........ good for them!! I also, most importantly, had another treatment...... almost finished week 3!! I'm off to reiki shortly so that'll sort any bubbling anxiety left in me.  It remains all about people for me. They can cause both highs and lows for me. I'm sure as I get my treatment over, start to get my confidence back even more and start to feel better physically then I'll be less able to be pulled down. Though I intend to make sure the positivity and happiness stays! I know who my shining stars are and I'll never take them for granted or forget how much they've helped me. I hope they're never in this situation, but if they ever are I'll make sure I'm the person who picks them up like they have me.

Xxxx