The hobbit journeys on....

Someone said to me yesterday "I've read your blog. What a journey you've been on!" A fair point. And it's a journey I'm still on. One I expect to be on for many, many years to come. I'm now in week 3 of radio. I'm tired, I have waves of nausea and I'm losing hair. I always 'casted' but there's too much..... it's coming from an entry or exit point so I've little doubt I'll find a bald patch soon enough...... again, one the advantages of not being particularly vain is that I'm not hugely traumatised by it. Of course I'd rather it wasn't happening, but I've been walking around with a bald stripe since surgery and it all seems like a very small price to pay. One of my radiomates has opted to shave hers off and get a wig. She looks absolutely amazing! Beautiful. I couldn't imagine having clippers near my scar, and I'm not bothered enough by it all yet to consider going down that route. Maybe if I end up having chemo and lose it all, but until then I'll keep what I have..... even the grey ones that have grown through!! 

The most important thing for me at the moment is to stay strong but stress free and keep my spirits up. I've found it much better last and this week, now that I have a routine and plenty of very varied company! I make new friends every single day. Yesterday a woman struck up a conversation with me and it ended up she'd been on a very, very similar mental journey as me whilst battling bowel cancer. Kindred spirits for sure! She was wonderful and I'd have sought her out again...... but she won't be up there anymore...... because she's finished her treatment, had her scans etc and is (in her words) cured!! She was yet another person I feel was thrown into my path...... Did I ever tell you my favourite word?? Serendipity. Genuinely!! I like it even more now because serendipitous things just keep happening to me. 

I'm starting to feel very bad for talking negatively about my oncologist. I was mean and there's never any excuse for that. Her bedside manner undoubtedly needs significant work, but that may because she's a very soft and compassionate person who has to keep people at arms length so save her own emotions. I'm going to chose to believe that of her until such times as I find out different. I'm often quite quick tempered and make snap decisions about people. There's no point in me blethering on about being kind and calm if I'm going to be nasty about someone...... ultimately the person it'll annoy the most is me!

Inner calm?? Getting there......! Xxx