By the time I finally get to see Greenday I fear Billie Joe will be completely grey (though he probably is already.....I don't know anyone over 10 with hair as black as that!), and complaining of his gammy knees..... Wait for us Billie Joe Armstrong! Wait for us!!
I've said before about often wondering how you lot know what needs nurtured...... I'd spent the past few days thinking a bit about work. Mostly for financial reasons I'll confess, but there's little doubt I miss the mental challenges it brought me. This morning I was contacted by one of my cleverest friends! She told me something really interesting that just nudged my interest...... a piece of research and resulting intended outcome...... designed to help school kids become better equipped to deal with ill health in later years. Forward thinking! Exactly what we need in this country! I was really quite excited by it (GEEK!!) and, as I pondered to myself over research that could be done, analytical reports that could be written and presentations that could be delivered, I realised I could still add value. I had inadvertently reminded myself that I can still think, that I have ideas and that I'm still capable of standing up and delivering them. My friend had helped me do that. An important reminder when I haven't been at work, challenging myself, for 6 months now. There's no denying I'm not fit enough yet to jump back in and I'm horribly unreliable in what I can and can't do of a day, but it's hard not to miss a world that I love so much.
Following this another person got in touch. Someone who never fails to challenge me mentally....... a man who once sent me an email saying, "What impact could the eurozone crisis have on organised crime in NI? Your thoughts...." and then shared laughs with me over the fact I was the only person on the lengthy email list who actually bothered to answer it! At length. With thought. In fact, I believe I may have ended up researching it and writing a short report on my findings!! (Again, GEEK!!!)
Closely followed by contact from one of the most forward thinking and effortlessly intelligent people I know. It contained a short reference to politics, and again made me think! I joked with her about this being a day for mental stimulation (actually I was joking with my sister, but accidentally sent it to her..... she's not someone I'd ever be anything other than flattering about so it was fine)..... I commented that if another named person got in touch then my brain would've been well and truly exercised for the day! You know the end of this story, don't you??...... The person named literally got in contact within seconds of me sending the previous text! Serendipity. Again, spirits lifted!
I can only describe it (and I'm sure someone else already has and has made huge amounts of money from their theory!) that there are different parts of you that need fed....... the emotional side, the intellectual (probably being generous to call it that with me..... I can't even send s text to right person!), the humorous side...... Each needs nurtured....... How do you lot know??? Because you do know.... sometimes better than I do!! Without fail someone will get in touch at exactly the right time. If I'm feeling s bit down, someone will send me something funny. If I'm feeling a bit ugly, someone will throw a wee wink (because we all know girls need those every so often, no matter how much your husband loves you!) If I'm feeling a bit lacking in confidence someone will ask my opinion about something or remind me I'm still of value. If I scared about something, someone will be there by my side, reassuring.
I am still astounded by the huge variety of family, friends (old and new), and strangers who meet these needs at exactly the right time. Like I've somehow sent out a request for help.... quieter and subtler than Pongo and Perdita's Midnight Bark, but just as effective!
The rest of my day was spent in good company, sharing laughs, friendship, support and love. Thankfully, because it seems this was also very much needed. I received a phone call from my GP's surgery this afternoon and have to go back in to get blood tests redone.... something's a bit off, though I've been told not too bad.... after an initial worry, I've placed it into "things I can do nothing about" category, otherwise I'll fret and the stress will manifest in tears at/in the most random times/places, headaches, pounding heart and the shakes. Instead of all that, I breathe...... I think I've meditated at least 4 times today! Trust me, it really helps. Or pray if you're religious. Whatever works. Just times of stillness, to relax, remind yourself everything is ok. Alternatively you could sing! I did a bit of that too today.... gentle, happy songs..... like Matt Nathanson's 'Come on get higher' and Frightened Rabbit's 'I wish that I was sober'. Not so powerful they'll make you cry, but gentle and easy singalongability.
To end, I will tell of my victorious patches of hair!! Sprouting up like the first flowers of spring! Beautifully dark like Billie Joe's! And completely natural. There's a full line of them along my scar..... each now around a inch long, they're like wee beacons of hope behind the bald strip caused by radio. I simply will not allow chemo to take them! They've fought too hard! Xxx
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