The past two nights I have slept soundly. Still some rare dreams, but not worryingly prophetic!! Well, unless I'm actually going to argue with two men selling £170 pairs of jeans from my dad's shed..... unlikely as it was a house he hasn't owned in years, and he lives in a flat so doesn't have a shed! This time my brain had pulled together irrelevant snippets and made a nonsense story, rather than actually paying attention to important things.
I was slightly worried about waking and having quite a strong tremor in my arm when stretching..... reality is I've had a tremor on use for a while and I'm sure just waking up made it more noticeable. Proof that I'm still not stupid, I laid the arm over my husband's arm and went back to sleep (so he'd definitely feel any potential seizure!) Which of course didn't occur.
I have definitely been feeling a lot more like myself again. Not always, and I'm finding bright light and loud noises particularly difficult, but when I am clearer it's a lot better than it has been. Maybe the radio tiredness is starting to lift a bit...... though my ear remains a problem and sometimes seems to affect my balance a bit, so I have to be a bit careful. Hopefully that'll be temporary.
One of the things I'm finding really helps is to just do normal things. Yes, I have to be careful not to over exert, but it's also nice to allow myself to remember my old life still exists and I can dip into it when I'm able. Yesterday my son had a friend to stay. A boy we've known for many years. It was lovely to have him in the house, just like old times. They ended up coming in and watching Pointless with me. We shared potential answers and laughs. Like we always would've. I was so comfortable with our guest that I sat without my headband on. They no more cared! Big son is used to it, but his mate was completely chilled too. The only other people that have seen my Rhianna style undercut are my hubby and sister....! Our guest wants to be a surgeon, so I have shown him what a neat scar looks like, so he knows what to aim for...... he's promised to practice his running blanket stitch!
This morning we visited friends and then had brunch with another friend....... more very normal happenings! I thoroughly enjoyed both and am now relaxing before the arrival of big sis later on. We've a morning booked at Charis tomorrow. They are a charity in Cookstown that provides treatments and other help to cancer patients and their families. It'll be nice to spend quality time with my sister outside a hospital! I'm hoping I can manage to get a bit of a chance to talk to their dietician...... I must be the only cancer patient who's put on weight!! I don't eat huge amounts at a time, but I do eat high protein and often.... In true Tricia style, it's going on round my middle...... a woman of a certain age perhaps...... gah!! Yet another thing I should probably be grateful for...... there's a bit that can safely be lost during chemo. I'm quite sure I still have a bag of clothes from plumper days that I can look out...... although I say that sitting in my jeans, that still fit.......so all is not lost!
Anyway, normal. Trying to remind myself it's ok to do that. As normal as I ever was! I might not be at the stage of work or going to rock gigs, but I have just made up a Spotify playlist that remains relaxed and easy listening without going as far as Bruno Mars and Justin Trousersnake! And I'm taking a mild interest in politics again. Do you think I could crash into Stormont, give them some heartfelt advice and then just blame the brain tumour??..... oh wait, there's a flaw in my plan....... there'd be nobody there!! Going round them all individually seems a little time consuming!
A relatively busy week this week...... Charis, meetings with friends and the embarrassment of the Doctor I made the terrible joke to! Plus some practicalities...... our bathroom cupboard needs tidied up, and I have some cards to send to people. I can never remember who I've sent them to, so if you're one of my shining stars you're likely to get two or three..... or none at all!! Don't be worried or offended either way! Or you may just receive one of my horribly long texts/WhatsApp/emails....... if we were still in the old Nokia days there'd be a few of you living much quieter lives at the moment! It's so important for me to say it though, and it's always heartfelt. So if I'm telling you you've helped me and I love you, then you have and i do. Trust me...... I have no capacity to lie. Xxxx
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