Last night my gorgeous son was at a mates house. He'd said he'd text when he got home (sometimes I wake up and panic if he's not home...... such a mummy!) This morning there was a note under our door, saying "Home safe etc Didn't text in case I woke you"...... That's 18 year old code for "Didn't text because I didn't want you to see I got in less than 2 hours before you get up!" I heard you come in son....... plus I've done this before....... I'm just really happy he feels relaxed enough in his own home. No sneaking about, no lies...... living his life, whilst still having respect for his parents. Couldn't ask for much more than that!
Late morning today brought a trip to a cafe with three true friends. Always filled with laughter and silliness...... they never disappoint!
I had gone primed though, having managed to create a funny story all on my own earlier in the day. A nurse called to take bloods and when he left I saw a pair of glasses on the table. I grabbed them, sprung up, ran down the hall and chased his car up the street...... a pointless exercise as he was already around the corner when I took off. I texted another nurse to tell her I had the glasses. As I sat back down there was a tiny niggle...... a pause for thought....... I texted my husband....... You know how this ends don't you?? They were my husband's glasses!! Working hard to reassure, he gently told me not to worry because that could've happened to anyone. Thankfully on this occasion I wasn't upset, I was laughing! It's that knack of not being bothered if you've done something a bit foolish...... it doesn't mean you're suddenly damaged in some way....... everyone does foolish things....... just see the humour! Don't beat yourself up. Doesn't always work that way, but it's great when it does.
The story gets even better, as I texted a friend to give her a laugh and let her know I was thinking about her. She responded that she was a little worried about either hubby or the nurse for their glasses taste......... I responded telling her "the nurse was male" and shaming her short sightedness (or long sightedness with these particular glssses!) I reminded her of the riddle where the surgeon says of the child "I can't operate on him, he's my son"...... girl surgeons and boy nurses?? Whatever is going on??!! In some ways I think that's probably a good way around....... girls are generally very careful, organised and neat (my thin, neat line of a head scar proves that one!) and boys can be really no nonsense, confident, get the job done (my 'bloods nurse' is certainly evidence of that). Now I'm reverse stereotyping in an even worse fashion than my friend stereotyped to begin with!! The moral of the story?? Gender often really doesn't matter. Sometimes the best laughs come from just not overthinking. Plus it proved to me that despite feeling a bit wobbly and dizzy the last few days (I suspect ear related), I am still capable of quick movement........ probably ill advised, but still possible!
This afternoon brought the unenviable task of looking at finances. Much as I've become accustomed to flinging it round me, reality is that everyone has a budget and that you don't get paid forever whilst your job has become trying to get better at the same time as staying sane. We've been luckier than many the way things have fallen and it's really hard to consider such mundane things when you've had a total awakening about what's really important in life! However, I did it. Another step forward, another grab at getting my life back. Another dip into the real world without falling apart. Done. I've never really been particularly materialistic I don't think. Like everyone else, I'd like to be loaded, but I know how unimportant it is in reality. So long as the bills get paid and I'm not living in a hovel, then that's ok. The next big calculator moment will have to come before January, but hopefully by that time I'll have a better idea of where I am and what I'll be physically capable of. At the moment I feel ok, mostly....... if I wasn't starting chemo I reckon I'd have been dipping a toe into my return to work options next week....... chemo makes that impossible, until I see how I react to it. But after that, who knows?? The world is my oyster and I'm quite quite sure I'm simply in the process of making a pearl at the moment! Xx
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