Laughter yet tears....

Two of my radio buddies have had setbacks. One has contracted MRSA, and the other has been further reminded of her prognosis and likely lack of effective treatment options. Yet again I am reminded of my good fortune. Though both are exceptionally strong girls and I would place my money on both to continue to kick ass. I don't offer either sympathy, because that would suggest they need it. I merely offer a friendly ear and a strong shoulder.

The first I know reads this blog, so I'll remind her of the reality - you're as strong as an ox and will have mrsa cleared up in record time. 

The second is a true warrior, who will make the decisions she needs to make, before completely proving why it's not all about modern medicine. When I'm wearing a t-shirt saying "I'm not saying I'm going to be a miracle, but I haven't ruled it out", she'll be wearing one saying "Brain tumour? Give me a proper challenge!"

It can be hard to hear of others getting it a bit tight. Both because you worry it might be you next, and also because you feel a bit guilty. I continue to have niggles, most notable my ear ..... annoying but not really the same... Truthfully, in terms of how I feel, I'm noticing as improvement. I kind of feel like I've jumped back to when I came home post surgery. That time I was just starting to notice an improvement days before I had to start radio. This time I've got a couple of weeks to build myself up, before the next big gut thump. A positive luxury!! Two lovely weeks to relax and to enjoy the company of friends. I had lunch with one today....... someone I haven't seen for a long time. She was great company and I had a really enjoyable afternoon.

I remain full of laughter...... though will admit that sometimes I probably need to think a bit more before I make jokes out loud! I really don't know whether the tumour and resulting treatment is to blame, whether there's not much change from before, or whether I'm just sometimes a little bored and feel the need to brighten my day with a laugh. I do have a hatred of people who didn't know me before trying to imply a poorly made joke or an inappropriate hug is due to what's going on....... I was always capable of those things! Though I will admit to giving them slightly less prior consideration  these days!

An example occurred earlier..... it's not something I should share, I know this. But it's hugely funny and I like to share funny! I fear it may be slightly lost in the telling by even me realising there are some things you should never share publicly. Let's just say I was trying to arrange a 'lady-type' appointment with a male GP (around my age, think he may live near me) prior to starting chemo. We were literally comparing diaries over the phone, to see when would suit both of us, at which point I quipped "I feel like we're arranging a meeting. Will we do it over coffee??" Wholly inappropriate? Yes. Funny? I think so, yes. Might not be quite so funny when I'm in for the appt and I have to maintain my dignity........or when I meet him at the shop!

For me to ever blame the tumour for anything I say or do would be like admitting I had PMT........ and we all know that no woman ever admits to that!! Genuinely, I don't think I've changed at all. There's perhaps a filter flicked off, but mostly I'm quite enjoying that! Kind of like growing old disgracefully at the age of 42......  As I've said the whole way through.... we'll never know what's to blame for what..... medication, surgeries and radio, stress, location of tumour, or just me not really caring quite so much about what people think. I like to think it's the last! Xxx