I came home from my last radio treatment to a box of balloons from my wonderful sister. A card saying she's proud to be my sister made me cry and laugh at the same time..... sorry, who's the hero here?? Who's been strong?? You lead and I will try to follow......
A dear friend even booked a Tesco delivery of a meal to take a bit of pressure off..... how do you guys think of this stuff??
Hubby delivered some words of admiration that brought more tears.... why does everyone keep putting all the credit on me, when they've done so much??
I also opened a gorgeous bag of goodies, including champagne, bath goodies and a beautiful scarf from my fellow ward mate and radio buddy. It was the card that got me....... we've gone through so much.... but we're doing it together. That sort of bond is strong and we will continue to support each other until we realise we've won! At that point we will go on a spa break and give ourselves a massive pat on the back!! No two journeys are the same, however in terms of treatment ours have been very close. Surgery, radio........ and now chemotherapy.
That little gem brought slightly different tears.... however, they're cried now. Putting it in a good light (because to fail to do so is unhelpful and stupid)...... I will start chemo probably in July. It'll be for 9 months total, however it's 6 week cycles. So I'll go up every 6 weeks, they'll do the horrible stuff in a day, and then I'll go home and take tablets for 5 days, then I'll stop for 5 weeks again. Apparently it's a 'very well tolerated' type of chemo and research would suggest it'll further back up the work done through surgery and radio. I won't lose my hair (though I can't imagine the big chunks missing from radio growing back....... the pirate/Amish could be staying for a while). I'm nothing short of terrified, I'd be lying if I said I wasn't, but I didn't come this far to just roll over. I will do whatever I have to do to help myself. My biggest fears are probably just feeling like crap and also not being able to do anything. Lying in my bed all day, feeling sick, holds no appeal to me physically or especially mentally. I have an information leaflet about it all...... which I will read this time....... just not today! It's been a busy enough day and I'm wrecked. I swear they have given me an extra blast to finish me off!! I'm more tired than ever and my head is thumping. Just in a kind of a 'it's been a really long and emotional day' kind of way! I did manage to squeeze in a quick cuppa with a colleague and friend, which was really enjoyable. Now I'm just lying in my bed, relaxing, reading, before being mindful and drifting off to sleep with my Calm app's sleep stories!
Previously when I've received important treatment information I've completely clammed up. Refused to talk about it, cried my tears in private. That's not a healthy thing to do. Now I talk about it..... a bit....... definitely no horror stories please! No comparisons to dead people! But encouragement and positive stories are fine. I can talk about it, in limited and positive bursts. I might cry. Just getting emotions out. Not tears of despair, just acknowledgement that this is a bit crap and I'm tired. Truthfully I've already met a few female chemo patients around my age and they have all been very reassuring.
So I've probably around 5 weeks break. I was worried I'd miss radio and the routine. Now I've decided I should enjoy the time to rest up. Similar to prior to surgery, I've got 5 weeks to get myself tour fit! Physically and mentally. There will be ongoing walking, meditating, aromatherapy/reflexology/reiki, reading and spending time with positive people. I've the advantage of knowing where I've gone wrong in the past, particularly with managing my emotional wellbeing, and having the knowledge of how to make sure I don't make the same mistakes again.
To those who continue to hold me up with laughter, strength, emotional and practical support...... buckle up! We've a bit further to go and I need you as my navigators! Xxxx
No comments:
Post a Comment