Anti seizure medication is awful. For me it (not lyrica, but other types) has had side effects including insomnia, anxiety, slurred speech, disorientation, nausea, blurred vision, tiredness and inability to think straight..... These are not 'fun' drugs! They are horrific. I feel complete empathy with anyone who has epilepsy. I had no idea how it could manifest or how heavy the drugs used to treat it are. It's a very irresponsible thing to say and I will of course continue to take the meds, but sometimes I think the seizures are preferable! I've been trying to move off one medication onto another..... this has to be done really slowly. You introduce one really slowly and then start to taper the other one off..... The obvious problem being that you have a period of being on both. So I have one that stops my seizures but makes me feel like crap, and I'm introducing another that makes me buzz. You'd think the buzz would be best??..... not when the two meds meet each other...... you swing from mania to acute anxiety. This morning I experienced this clash. I do not recommend it. It's nothing short of terrifying and extremely disturbing. As a result I'm now considering stopping taking the new one and just sticking with the devil I know...... even though it is a devil...... I'm just not sure that sort of mental conflict is one I can deal with at the same time as getting myself through radio. One thing at a time. My current anti seizure medication does what it's supposed to do - it stops seizures. I still get some absence seizures, but I can live with those. The side effects are nasty, but I'm learning my coping mechanisms for them. Introducing another one is not working for me. I'll see how I feel in the morning, but I'm unlikely to take the new one again.
Doctors are fine, but they're not in your head and they don't know how you're feeling. I need to focus on being strong for radio at the moment. Seizure meds can wait. So long as I'm not taking seizures then let's not mess with my head anymore than we need to!
As a result of the disturbed sleep and awful start to the day, the rest of it would've been difficult..... except for my hubbys support, a visit from a good friend, and my sister of course. My friend did the most wonderful thing for me. She made me cry, but in a good way! She made me little 'positivity cards', laminated and tied together with ribbon. Each one has a different hashtag printed on them..... for example #hugsnotdrugs #wardofwinners #breathe. She said the idea was that I could carry them with me and read them if I was feeling a bit stressed. What an amazingly thoughtful gift! They will go everywhere with me, and I've no doubt they'll get used. These are the things that help so much. The cards, the blanket of love, the messages of support and love, the visits, the faith in my strength. If any of you know anyone who's going through a rough time, take ideas from what my family and friends have done. Hold their hand, reassure them, be there for them. If you can't knit a blanket then send a text or make the cards. Send a card, full of positive messages. I'm trying to pass this love and positivity on to others and if I can give even a tiny proportion of what I've received then I'll make someone else's life better.
Xxxx
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