Part of me is crapping myself as usual...... the other part knows the sooner it starts the sooner it ends and that I'm lucky to have the treatment plan that some don't get. One of my wardmates has done her first session and said it was fine so that's reassuring. Scans and X-rays have been the easiest things I've done throughout this, so it'll be fine. I'm nervous about side effects, but I just need to take some control over that as best I can - make sure I'm careful with my diet (high protein and rainbow veg) and plenty of relaxation to keep myself calm (beach walks etc). I'm finally reading properly again..... and am actively trying to limit my screen time..... something of a digital detox. Not completely as my phone has been a really important way of me keeping my spirits up by staying in touch with people, but I know I need to reduce the time I'm spending in front of it and the tv. Ironically I'm of course typing this on my phone....!! Anyway, it's nice to read a paperback properly again and I've started doing that every night. Makes me glad I never bought into the kindle thing..... a book should have a smell and you should feel the pages as you turn them. You should be able to turn the corner down so you know where you've got to. I used to read every night so it's good to restore another bit of healthy normality.
Confidence levels are definitely increasing. Yesterday I went to see a work friend while in Belfast. Granted, my son was with me, but even still...... and we went for lunch in a cafe afterwards too.
Today I walked to and from counselling on my own (it's a round trip of around 3 miles so not too far, but great for my confidence and for tiring me out so I can sleep easier at night) Yet another thing I couldn't have contemplated a short time ago. Almost like a half normal person. Maybe I'm just learning to live life slightly stoned..... plenty of others do it!..... it's still not for me through choice, but if it stops seizures and keeps me safe then it's probably worth it....!
The trick is to try and maintain this progress through radio. I'm not naive, I know it'll be challenging. But I always rise to s challenge...... always!!
Since I was a teenager a woman has walked up and down the roads near here. I always assumed she had an eating disorder as she's very thin. I've no idea if that's true. Sometimes she has a crutch but mostly not. I used to look st her with a degree of pity. Feeling sorry for someone obviously unwell. How wrong was I?? Now I completely salute her! She has been walking that block for 20 odd years!! Whatever's going on with her hasn't stopped her. She keeps going, even when she needs help to walk. I admire her and am channeling her energy and tenacity!
Please no good luck messages ahead of Monday - it just makes me believe I've something to be nervous about. Just motivational and energy filled messages! Or nothing at all. I know the people who've got my back. And I love you for it.
I've come this far and done far worse than this. They cut my head open ffs...... twice!!do I even need to remind you I was awake for one of them?? 😬🙈 A wee zap and a few bald patches will be dead on. Plus I get to see a few of you for cuppas and chats! What better way to spend my day?? Xxx
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