Drugs are bad....

I only thought yesterday was a bad day following the increased dose of my anti seizure medication...... I spent last night practically crawling around the bed, before waking properly the morning in the pure horrors. My skin was itchy, I was terrified, anxious, crying, agitated, exhausted..... What I'd imagine you'd feel like if you took crystal meth..... which I don't plan on doing anytime soon. We ended up getting the doctor out, who agreed everything I was describing was a known side effect of the anti seizure drug of just increased the dosage of. We agreed to drop it back out tonight (which I would've done anyway, regardless!) Of course I was offered diazepam, which of course I refused. Thankfully, with the help of the big man, some deep breathing, reminders that I'm ok and a FaceTime with my sister, I managed to get settled down. I know I keep fighting against the prescription drugs and I know they're needed...... but I also know my own body. I'm not tolerant of them and I maintain the majority of my problems have been caused by them. Worst patient in the world, I know. Even the steroids were preferable to this stuff!! I'd rather talk all day and eat like a horse than wake up in a terror. But they're different drugs for different things and I know I have to take both. It's just trial and error, but the errors are pretty awful when you're experiencing them. By lunchtime I was basically talked down. Still exhausted. Scared to sleep yet again..... but I knew I needed to. Can't stay awake forever. So I risked a wee afternoon hour. Thankfully I woke up without the same fear. Still shattered, but not the same anxiety. After a very, very slow coming to I pushed myself to go for a walk with the big man. Fresh air always helps. I'm still wobbly, by managed a short walk. Now I'm back, relaxing and watching comedy tv. I'm still exhausted but with the dose back down again tonight I'm hopeful for a better sleep tonight. Then maybe a good day again tomorrow. Today felt like a massive backwards step, but I know I also get days that feel like massive leaps forward..... just got to keep holding onto the rail and ride it out........

I've really no idea why I keep blogging. I'm quite sure I'm just disturbing people now. I guess it's just my way of getting it out. Giving myself yet another virtual kick..... this was just a step back due to the meds, it's sorted now, pick yourself back up....... Which I will do. With everyone's help as ever.

Xxxx