By the time we got to Belfast I was undoubtedly settled and actually managed not to cry when pulling into the car park (an unusual occurrence for sure!) Once we got in we decided to do some positive things.... take a bit of control...... I needed to find out a bit more about the hospital transport that I'll be taking, and we also went to the Macmillan Centre to find out a bit more about what they offer. It was a lovely, welcoming place and there are always people there to chat. Chatting helps me...... the social contact that has been so important to me from the start of this. Not seeing people or getting a laugh always leads to my worst times. It's good to know there's somewhere I can go if no-one can meet me for a cuppa a day. We also met one of my former ward mates and her mum. That was lovely. I'm very fond of both of them...... what we're going through creates a fairly unique bond, and it's nice to be able to encourage and motivate each other. She looks great and is an inspiration as she powers through treatment. Reminds me I can do it too.
The time passed so quickly that I didn't have any time to get myself into a state. The nurses who took me for treatment were lovely and it was done in no time at all. Afterwards I felt woozy again. Tired and a bit dizzy. Just a bit out of it. I have a couple of 'hot' bits on my head too. Nothing awful but I know where the laser has touched my wound, without a doubt! I'd say that'll get worse, but I can manage that. It's nowhere near as bad feeling as the wooziness. I'll lose patches of hair too, but I'll deal with all that if and when it happens. During dinner I had an absence seizure that was very distinct..... started with a strong taste and then numbness/tingling down my left hand side. I was able to tell my husband and sister what was happening though, and they talked me through it. It's the first really strong one I've had for a while but it was over in less than a minute. I learnt to deal with them before so it was just a case of staying calm and remembering what I do (flexing hand and foot, telling people what's going on, remembering it'll be over in under a minute).
Hubby reminded me this evening that I go in cycles...... I have a few bad days but then always learn to deal with whatever has happened and then I'm strong again. He's not far wrong. My wobbles are often associated with a change..... I never was great with that!! I'm continuing to work on trying to get myself into a constantly more laid back state.... it's hard when you're naturally fairly highly strung. I'm hoping to get back to my reflexology/reiki miracle worker, as she had me in a more relaxed state than I've ever been in in my life! I think the trick is to train yourself to be calmer and then eventually it'll just come naturally. I'm doing this with music, walking, reiki/reflexology and chatting with people. It'll come.
Tomorrow I'm getting the hospital transport for the first time..... I have to be ready for 8am which could be quite a challenge! Although maybe not a bad thing...... if I have to be up and organised then I've no time to sit about getting myself into a mess. Plus my sister is going on the minibus with me tomorrow. A great plan of hers! That allows me to try it in a safe and reassured way the first time. Hubby's taking me on Thursday and then I'll have one day of going on transport on my own on Friday. A good friend offered me a lift but I declined it as I think it's better to have my first trip up on my own on a Friday. Means I can remind myself it's only one day and then it's the weekend. I'm not up on Monday so a shorter week next week too.
Each day I go up is a day closer to the end of radiotherapy. A day closer to finishing this treatment stage. Then I can start to rebuild and make progress again...... which I know I can do, because I've done it before. One step at a time. Xxx
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