After a crash there's only one way you can go

After a crash there's only one way you can go....... and it's not down....... Last week was bad. The weekend was on ocassion the stuff nightmares  are made of...... But there's little point wittering on about being strong and not being beaten if you're going to suddenly turn into a crying panicker overnight! That was never me and I won't let it be now...... it's a bad job when you're breathing into your 'emergency sick bag' in a bid to try and control a panic attack. (I'm a terrible traveller. Suffer awful motion sickness - anything faster then a skateboard will cause me problems. As a result I keep an EasyJet sick bag in my handbag..... just in case. Never used it, have carried it for years. Emergency sick bag - don't knock it! Anyone who suffers motion sickness will understand!) 

Yes, it's ok to be emotional and it's natural to be scared. But I'm a strong person surrounded by loving family and friends, I have to take control of this again.

I've often wondered what this blog is about. Why would I suddenly become so public?? Why would I want to share this? I'm starting to think it's my way of giving myself a good talking to! In front of everyone else. I've meant every word when I've written it but sometimes I read bits back and know it was a brave face. Maybe I could only be brave if I publicly declared it?! Like growling at yourself in the mirror before you go into battle...... gggrrrrrr......!!

So, as usual with the help of family and friends, I'm back on an upward trajectory. I'm still tearful...... could start at any second. But the panic is managed, I think. Big man has been brilliant at supporting me. A dear friend has helped no end by giving and finding me support (a relaxation class today and reflexology on Friday) plus by just coming to see me and making me laugh. My beautiful sister has booked flights to come over again at the weekend - even the thought of seeing her makes me smile every time! And I continue to shamelessly sing along to cheesy '80s music. Some people have suggested some classics.... Hall and Oates anyone?? Nothing sad. Has to be upbeat. 

So I'm back on track. I'm not allowing negative thoughts again. I'm forcing myself to see people, to smile, to laugh even...... without putting constant pressure on myself to put on a brave face. I cry. A lot. But that's ok - so long as I stop!

I was up and showered by 7am this morning, after a great night's sleep. I've got stuff to do today. I know I'll have ups and downs. But I've stuff to look forward to and I'm not letting tears and anxiety ruin it for me and for everyone else. It's not fair on family to see me such a mess all the time. And the effort it takes to hide it can be literally exhausting.

Taking a bit of control again. No-one else can do it for me. Although so many continue to help xxxx