After all the tears came anxiety...... I've felt a bit of that before now, but this was full on. Last night I had a panic attack. I think. I've never had one so can only assume..... my heart was pounding in my chest and head, I was shaking and just really, really distressed. I was crying and felt like I wasn't getting enough air. The big man talked me through it as best he could, but I was a complete mess. Eventually I felt asleep, exhausted by the whole thing. I woke a few times but not too bad (apart from the 05.49am 'we've slept in' moment....) This morning I was still panicky. Big man persuaded me to go back to sleep for a while, which I did. When I woke again a friend had sent me this..... http://www.anonews.co/neuro-anxiety-song/ very well timed. In truth my surgeon had told me to listen to two songs - one was the 'We are awesome' song from the Lego movie and the other was from The Troll film. I didn't do it. Rockers with 18 year olds don't listen to songs from kids films...... idiot!! This surgeon is amazing is every way. I trust her. I should've listened.
I watched the video in the link that was sent to me and it definitely helped a bit. This made me think a bit more about music. It's been such a big part of my life; why would I not use it to try and calm me and lift my mood?? I always did in the past. I have listened to a bit of music recently but it tends to be pure rubbish..... Phil Collins is getting far too much air time! But Metallica doesn't lift your mood. It has to be something that'll make me smile. So today I've been using music...... the cheesier the better I'm afraid! There's still been a few tears, but I'm definitely finding music can pull me through a dip. I might still have the cry, but I'll also have a sing and maybe even a laugh. Unfortunately for everyone else in the house, it's got to be cheesy. 80s hair metal might cut it, but more often it's worse than that...... I'm currently sitting in front of the Now 80s music channel on Sky, watching Duran Duran's Wild Boys (a classic anyway!) I'd actually like cheesier..... Lionel Ritchie, Phil Collins (You Can't Hurry Love remains my secret favourite 80s song!).
It seems every week brings new things.... this week was always going to be a rough one with my appt on Thursday.
The same person that sent the link also told me that this was the best advice she received during counselling "Today is (insert day) and I'm going to get up make breakfast/go for a walk/watch TV/write my blog/have a bath etc. it sounds rubbish but it really stops your mind from racing ahead. Anytime ur mind starts to wander just say it all again."
Good advice. I've used it much of today. I've been up, out, car picnic lunch and quick walk (had to abandon due to the terrain and sticking out bushes..... I wasn't quite sure how I would explain to my surgeon the tree branch sticking out of my head......), short time with my dad and also with my in-laws, then home, dinner and now chilling. I'm very tired, but that's probably a good thing! Might help me sleep better tonight...... no idea why this section is in completely different font..... but st least it's not in Polish or Russian (I've been accused of writing in both..... I suspect some of it was emojis..... they don't work in blogger!)
Thankfully I have a dear friend who is taking me to a one on one yoga and relaxation class, and also to reflexology. Those around me continue to hold me up......
Saturday is my birthday..... not sure I'll be out partying, but I'll settle for being at home with my lovely boys. Listening to 80s music.....
Fin has just come home...... we're singing "it's a kind of magic" by Queen. Sure how could that not make you smile??!!
Xxx
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