Balance.........

I know I need to rest, I accept that...... especially with everything that's happened  and likely more treatment to come. But what I've learnt is that lying about does not work for me! It feels defeatist. The meds make me dopey, especially in the morning, but I don't rest particularly easy at any time of the day or night. There always paranoia over something or other...... I'll get counselling sorted out for that and get in top of it. I also hope to reduce the meds again, which has got to help. Again, it's about balance. You don't want to reduce them and have something happen. Especially not when you're not in a hospital.  I'll get it sorted with the experts. 

Today I was up and showered before 7am. I spent the morning lying on top of my bed. Very tired and feeling a bit woozy. But I had friends coming up late morning and I was excited at the prospect of seeing them. Worked a treat!! Like a breath of fresh air. Positive vibes, happy energy. Just what the doctor ordered! When they left I felt so much better! Another friend also called, although he's not feeling well so I couldn't even get a hug..... onevof the happiest people I know though, so lovely just to see his happy face!

Afterwards I had healing homemade vegetable soup for lunch (from one of my food saviours!) and then went for a short walk with Fin. 

I'm just back and relaxing on top of my bed, watching rubbish daytime tv. Feeling so much better than I have done the last few days. 

Seems my balance is to push a bit, but balance it with rest and relaxation. I simply cannot relax all day. It feels like I'm not fighting. It doesn't work for me...... 

I keep saying it, but this whole experience seems to have just emphasised my existing personality. So I'm still me, but I've no tact and just say whatever is in my head. People I like become my my lifelines....... people I don't like I am brutal with! It's not deliberate. I try not offend anyone....... I just don't seem to know how to behave properly!! I'm not sure I ever did..... there was always a bitch in there, alongside the laughing, positive, happy girl. That remains the case now.

Thanks to everyone who sent me positive messages last night and this morning, and to my wonderful visitors today. Yet again, my Support Team form my cage. A much better day!! I'll still get counselling and allow those negative  feelings to come out, and speak to my medical team about the meds, but I know a positive boost can make all the difference. As I've known all along really!

Xxx