Mastering the days....

After mastering the nights I started to struggle with the days.... it can be so hard to get the balance right. The temptation is always to push, but you can end up doing too much. I've found myself very tired the past few days..... probably why they give a leaflet on fatigue when you leave the hospital (in the folder I hadn't read..... that my friend tackled for me last week!)

Anyway, the fatigue has been fairly heavy duty. Difficult to know how much you should allow yourself time and how much you should fight through and push yourself on. My surgeon had told me to rest up..... but it's hard when you're not used to lying about. Plus I still worry that I'm just lying about and not fighting if I don't push on. Though people keep reminding me I'm too hard on myself and an only a few weeks out of 2 major brain surgeries.....

Today I managed to get the balance right, more or less...... start the morning slow. Don't get up at 7am, but don't go back to sleep. Unless I wake up feeling really bad (in which case it's ok to catch another few hours). Watch a bit of tv, read a book (my sister has me on Fearne Cotton's "Happy" which is sort of like a workbook!), think about stuff that needs done...... If I'm up by 11am that's plenty of time. Get on the music, get showered...... takes time and can be surprisingly tiring. Then lunch - something healthy; usually a salad or some soup. I'm perfectly capable of doing light housework, like putting a wash on or doing a few dishes. Early afternoon usually brings visitors, which I love. 

Today I had a friend from work, which was great. Good company and kept my spirits up. I'd started the day a bit down so it was nice to be lifted by a visitor. 

A short walk when Fin and/or the big man get home. An afternoon doze usually doesn't go amiss either. I didn't have one today so I've just had one for an hour until 8 instead! Now I'm awake again about to get some tea and toast with peanut butter to keep the blood sugars ok through the night. I'm usually settling down by about 10pm nowadays. Late enough for a 0630 alarm and 7am breakfast and medsfest!

Overall I remain optimistic and grateful. I have a lot of dips. It's a rollercoaster. Cancer Focus NI have a helpline where you can speak to a nurse and I've rung them a couple of times when I've felt particularly glum. They've been great. I often talk myself round anyway but it's nice to have a listening ear, and sometimes it's better if it's a stranger.

Xxx