Finally I sleep!

After thinking I'd never sleep again, it seems Mass and a blessing from a proest has had the most curative power of anything so far. I will never again question why I feel a connection to certain people. If I think it's going to give me comfort then I'm running with it. I'll explain it to nobody and not question it at all. Yesterday evening a priest who I had met some months ago and felt a sudden need to see, blessed me. I begged to see him. It had to be him. I didn't question why and nobody else did either. He came here, he held my hand, he talked to me and he blessed me. I don't know why it gave me such comfort but it did. When he left I slept all night. The girl who thought she'd never sleep again. I've woken up this morning, am sitting up in bed, have been up to toilet, have taken al my meds, and feel able to work through today. I'll never forget awake surgery. I'm quite sure that stays with you forever. But I feel now that I can get over it. My head hurts. Obviously. But it's bearable. It's necessary. I remain adament that I will not take anything other than paracetamol and ibruprophen. No opiate based crap goes into my body. You are more likely to die in this country from taking diazepam or temzepam than heroin, cocaine and ecstasy put together. We have a problem with over prescribing and also a problem with illicit supply from places like China. Everyone be looks to police to sort out our drugs problem, but people don't realise there's a much bigger issue. That's why I won't allow diazepam anywhere near me. And you can forget about morphine too. That's just heroin. I'm not leaving hospital a drug addict. I won't be a statistic. I know that some drugs are needed to keep people alive. I accept that I've been given steroids etc because I've needed them. But my aim is to get off all of them as quickly as I can. Yes, my head hurts, but at least I know I'm 'me'. I'm not behaving in particular ways because I'm high. That's been very hard for me, particularly at the beginning of this whole thing. I know I have to take steroids and anti epilepsy meds and I do so obediently every day. But don't come near me with that other crap. Not ever. My feelings are very well known in here. Total diva. Or perhaps I just know my own mind - isn't that nice?? Isn't that the way I always was?? Take comfort from it. Its Trish being Trish. And you worry I won't beat this?? Wise up! I'm as thran as they come. Nothing's taking me down.  I love you guys. Every last one of you. For letting me be a thran cow. For not questioning any of it. For forming my cage and just riding the rollercoaster with me. Special people all around me. ❤❤