Happily two lovely friends came up this morning and then my sister and her boyfriend came over too. It was lovely to see my friends. I enjoyed their company and we were even able to sit outside in that lovely sunshine!
I'd gone back to sleep this morning after breakfast because I was still tired. I woke again feeling a little anxious. Just kind of nervous. The way you do when you've something bothering you and you wake up remembering it's still a problem! Plus I've been very tired..... apparently two major surgeries will do that to you! So I was very slow moving...... my guests were left waiting for a minute or two as I worked my way through showering and getting dressed.
I received a letter today that was very helpful. It ran through some of the things I should do, including taking my time and not putting pressure on myself. Good advice!
So I continue to try and get the mix of pushing myself a bit but not too much. Keeping myself bright by whatever means that works - usually good company, messages of encouragement, funny photos, and 80s music! Thanks to everyone that helps with this - there are so many of you!
It was great to see my sister too. I miss her when she's not here now!! This afternoon we went for a short walk up Binevenagh again. The weather was glorious...... we cut it slightly short because the two of us who couldn't discreetly pee outdoors both decided we needed to pee!! When we got home the menfolk were able to go for a pint and get a break. I'm so aware that I'm running my poor husband into the ground. He's doing everything - making sure I eat, running the house, driving me everywhere, dealing with my constant demands, helping me through anxious times, letting me cry..... Even little things.... the other night I wouldn't let him watch The Empire strikes Back in bed because Vader's voice was scaring me! He rightly said "But you've seen it a thousand times"...... precisely the problem! I could hear the voices and visualise the entire film. I still can't deal with anything negative or even slightly scary. I used to watch the news every night and loved the politics shows..... Now I find it too negative and upsetting. It's all Friends repeats and anything that is funny or positive.
I find it so difficult having to depend on others, but I'm so fortunate that I have family and friends around me who just jump in and do everything, making sure I don't feel like a burden. Sometimes I feel like I am and I get very upset about it. They reassure me, which makes such a difference.
Fin is away this weekend and it's nice to know he's having fun and a somewhat normal life. It's so important to me. The boys are both going away next weekend and I'm glad of that too. My sister is Trish-sitting...... I just can't wait to get a couple of days with her! Saturday night in bed watching a film...... sister sleepover! Perfect!!
So all in all a good day. I'm tired now, but that's ok! I'm watching a bit of tv in bed and then will get a good night's sleep. Happy birthday to me! Xxxx
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